Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Flowers, Cake, and Change

When you are busy living and surviving and struggling inside your own life, it is often hard or damn near impossible to be able to recognize your own progress, shifts, and changes. Time goes by and you may feel stuck in place, or like things are moving in slow motion or not at all, when the reality may be quite different. Living life and grieving all at once, every day, for long periods of time - it can often feel like nothing is happening.

It's sort of like if you have 100 pounds to lose, and you lose an average of 3 pounds per month. 3 pounds per month is a very healthy way to lose weight, and it will probably stay off if you do it that way. But, when you are inside of that and doing all the work, and you look at your own body or reflection in the mirror, you might not notice any difference. You might look at yourself, get frustrated, and say: "What is the point of all this?"

Change happens in pieces, and in very tiny fragments. You know that term "overnight success?" Yeah. Not really. Most of those people have been working their asses off for years. This night just happened to be the night where they clicked on the right thing, in the right moment. The night when all their back-breaking work, finally began to pay off. Becoming who you were meant to be, isnt always glamorous or obvious or quick-paced. But it sure is something to be proud of.

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  • commented on I'm Sorry 2016-10-24 18:18:46 -0700
    Hey Michele, what are you sorry about? lol

  • commented on Celebrating the Tiny Victories 2016-10-24 18:17:59 -0700
    Yay!!! And you also took me to the airport!!! So thats another place you know how to get to now …. woo hoo!!!!

  • commented on Mending Furniture & Hearts 2016-10-16 09:14:30 -0700
    This is how I always pictured love after loss being too. Actually, this is how I NEED it to be. I simply wont do it any other way. ANYONE who wants me to forget about Don or push him into the background, or not love him anymore – doesnt understand at all, and wont last in a relationship with me. It has to all connect – like Michele says, its about blending what was, with what IS, with what will be. I think you and Mike do that really beautifully, and I really admire your relationship and all the ways you take care of each other, and all the ways you acknowledge and honor Drew and Megan as forever parts of your lives.

  • commented on Stepping out of the Vacuum 2016-10-03 07:11:21 -0700
    This is why EVERY SINGLE TIME I go back to camp widow, I get something new out of it. Meet new people, hear a message I really needed to hear, understand something from a new perspective, or get instantly reminded once again , from allthe terrrified new faces walking in crying and saying “I cant do this” – just how absolutely vital it IS that community likethis exists. ANd its my community , my FAMILY, that covers for me when I cant write my blog lol. Thank you Sarah!

  • commented on Reconnecting to Magic 2016-10-03 07:04:15 -0700
    I love this. What a beautiful tradition.

  • commented on It's the 3 Dots at the end... 2016-09-21 14:08:30 -0700
    so beautiful, and so very true. xoxo

  • commented on 15 Years Later 2016-09-13 17:08:16 -0700

  • commented on The Springtime of my Heart 2016-09-11 12:20:01 -0700
    So beautiful. congrats on officially moving in!

  • commented on A Path Built on Love 2016-09-11 12:14:38 -0700
    THank you everyone!!! Im equal parts excited, scared, and really sad to be leaving NYC. Its very hard and emotional, and yet I feel like its time. Thanks for the words of support. It helps knowing Im not completely insane for leaving my job of 16 years for something unknown …….

  • commented on Peanut Butter and Homework 2016-09-07 18:06:08 -0700
    So touching, as always. I love reading your blogs.

  • commented on The Things Inside 2016-08-23 10:38:36 -0700
    Thank YOU for saying that, Morgan. What makes you say that? Im curious.

  • commented on Trust Your Gut 2016-08-23 08:38:22 -0700
    Susan, thank you. I am going to visit my parents in small town Massachusetts next month , to talk some things over with them, make some decisions, and it is the perfect place to think and reflect. So, yes, I will be doing that soon. Thank you!!!!

  • commented on Uniquely Familiar Story 2016-08-06 07:48:38 -0700
    Welcome Kaiti. Your story is so beautiful. Im the Friday writer here. :)

  • commented on Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass 2016-08-06 07:43:30 -0700
    Carol, you are a beautiful person for that offer , and for your generosity. Thank you so much for caring. Judy, yes, the constant reject letters are awful. And yes, they DO discriminate on age, its so hard to find work. They make me feel like Im an 80 year old instead of 44, so many of these places want college kids or just out of college aged people. It just sucks. And yes, I have been living on Ramen noodles and cheerios and a few other cheap things. Ugh. I wish things were different. Im just tired of all the struggling. Sending love to you and hoping your dad is okay xo

  • commented on Gone Fishin' 2016-08-04 15:00:44 -0700
    Love this. This is why its so vital to have a passion in life for something … something that sets you free and sits in your soul …. something that helps you escape everything, except for who you truly are in those quiet moments of time …… for me its singing, music, writing …….. that quiet place …..

  • commented on One Way Rider 2016-07-31 17:59:52 -0700
    Sniff sniff. Im not crying. Shut up.

  • commented on That Other Life 2016-07-29 12:11:37 -0700
    I think we are ALL in the process of creating that quilt, Carol. Thats the point. I dont think the longing ever ends, nor should it. All we can do is live this life and merge the other one into it wherever possible. xoxo

  • commented on On the Edge of Change Again 2016-07-18 08:28:11 -0700
    Oh I love you. And this life you are building. I still think you should rent out Mike to us other widows. He is so supportive and thoughtful. Its not fair for all of that great guy energy to go to just one person lol. xoxo

  • commented on Fight Hate With Love 2016-07-11 10:46:25 -0700
    Thank you Diane. I bet your son and my husband are somehow laughing about all of this, somewhere …….. but I know we both wish they were here on earth laughing with us.

  • commented on An Unwritten Chapter 2016-07-10 10:28:34 -0700
    Its been one of the hardest things for me too, after losing Don. Trying to just BE. Be in the moment, not think ahead or overanalyze. Pull away or cling too much. Just be. Its so very hard. Im over here trying too. lol.

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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