Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Anxiety

This new version of life. 

This life that exists in the now. 

The one where my husband,

is no longer my husband,

by law. 

Because he is dead.

And you can't be married 

to a dead person.

By law.  

You might still FEEL married,

like I did, 

for almost 4 years, 

after his death. 

You might feel as if even looking 

at another man

is cheating, 

and it feels wrong 

and awful,

and you feel like a terrible wife,

like I did. 

 

 

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Everything and Nothing

It’s one of those days where my thoughts are everywhere, nowhere, and make no sense.

Just a jumble of strange randomness. The kind of thoughts where you can’t sleep, because you can’t stop thinking. But you don’t really know what on earth you are thinking about.

Everything and nothing. That’s what I’m thinking about.

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  • commented on The Springtime of my Heart 2016-09-11 12:20:01 -0700
    So beautiful. congrats on officially moving in!

  • commented on A Path Built on Love 2016-09-11 12:14:38 -0700
    THank you everyone!!! Im equal parts excited, scared, and really sad to be leaving NYC. Its very hard and emotional, and yet I feel like its time. Thanks for the words of support. It helps knowing Im not completely insane for leaving my job of 16 years for something unknown …….

  • commented on Peanut Butter and Homework 2016-09-07 18:06:08 -0700
    So touching, as always. I love reading your blogs.

  • commented on The Things Inside 2016-08-23 10:38:36 -0700
    Thank YOU for saying that, Morgan. What makes you say that? Im curious.

  • commented on Trust Your Gut 2016-08-23 08:38:22 -0700
    Susan, thank you. I am going to visit my parents in small town Massachusetts next month , to talk some things over with them, make some decisions, and it is the perfect place to think and reflect. So, yes, I will be doing that soon. Thank you!!!!

  • commented on Uniquely Familiar Story 2016-08-06 07:48:38 -0700
    Welcome Kaiti. Your story is so beautiful. Im the Friday writer here. :)

  • commented on Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass 2016-08-06 07:43:30 -0700
    Carol, you are a beautiful person for that offer , and for your generosity. Thank you so much for caring. Judy, yes, the constant reject letters are awful. And yes, they DO discriminate on age, its so hard to find work. They make me feel like Im an 80 year old instead of 44, so many of these places want college kids or just out of college aged people. It just sucks. And yes, I have been living on Ramen noodles and cheerios and a few other cheap things. Ugh. I wish things were different. Im just tired of all the struggling. Sending love to you and hoping your dad is okay xo

  • commented on Gone Fishin' 2016-08-04 15:00:44 -0700
    Love this. This is why its so vital to have a passion in life for something … something that sets you free and sits in your soul …. something that helps you escape everything, except for who you truly are in those quiet moments of time …… for me its singing, music, writing …….. that quiet place …..

  • commented on One Way Rider 2016-07-31 17:59:52 -0700
    Sniff sniff. Im not crying. Shut up.

  • commented on That Other Life 2016-07-29 12:11:37 -0700
    I think we are ALL in the process of creating that quilt, Carol. Thats the point. I dont think the longing ever ends, nor should it. All we can do is live this life and merge the other one into it wherever possible. xoxo

  • commented on On the Edge of Change Again 2016-07-18 08:28:11 -0700
    Oh I love you. And this life you are building. I still think you should rent out Mike to us other widows. He is so supportive and thoughtful. Its not fair for all of that great guy energy to go to just one person lol. xoxo

  • commented on Fight Hate With Love 2016-07-11 10:46:25 -0700
    Thank you Diane. I bet your son and my husband are somehow laughing about all of this, somewhere …….. but I know we both wish they were here on earth laughing with us.

  • commented on An Unwritten Chapter 2016-07-10 10:28:34 -0700
    Its been one of the hardest things for me too, after losing Don. Trying to just BE. Be in the moment, not think ahead or overanalyze. Pull away or cling too much. Just be. Its so very hard. Im over here trying too. lol.

  • commented on Visiting the Past 2016-07-05 12:20:47 -0700
    Yes. A millon times yes to this. This is exactly how I feel whenever Im in Florida, and when Im with “R” there, because he knew him in the early days of us dating each other, and even a bit before I even knew him. And the pics you posted on FB of the sun setting over the helicopter – amazingly poetic and beautiful. I really do believe they come with us and ARE right there with us whenever we choose to live and love. When we remain stagnant, so do they. When we live and love, with the right person, the magic of their souls return to us , piece by piece. We dont get to have them alive again, but it feels a lot further away from the feeling of them just being dead and gone forever. I know you know what I mean. Mommy.

  • commented on My Husband's Son 2016-07-05 12:12:39 -0700
    Wow this made me cry its so beautiful. And your friend is SO right – Cole does look JUST like his dad at that age, and there are pieces of your husband floating around right inside of that little boy. How beautiful and how appropriate. By the way, welcome. Im the Friday writer here – just wanted to officially say hi.

  • commented on On Top of Ole Smoky 2016-07-05 11:58:56 -0700
    So beautiful. And this picture. Wow. This is the very definition of taking your forever love that died, and blending it into every love you feel in your present life. It is all connected, and in that way – when we choose to keep loving, we never REALLY lose them. Yes, they will always be dead and that sucks beyond measure and will NEVER be okay – but to me, they are a hell of a lot “less dead” when we bring them along and keep them alive and honor their life, by living ours and by feeling love. Im so beyond happy to know you and Sarah in this version of life that none of us ever asked for. xoxo

  • commented on The Tsunami of July 2016-07-05 11:51:20 -0700
    Thank you everyone. All of your stories and emotion help so much – it is such a confirmation that none of us are alone, no matter how much we might feel like we are.

  • commented on Rebuilding Together 2016-06-22 17:08:37 -0700
    THank you forr covering for me that day, and this blog piece is awesome. I need to read it again and again to really let it sink in.

  • commented on Cards and Coffee Mugs 2016-06-22 17:06:26 -0700
    YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

  • commented on A Letter to My Younger Self 2016-06-12 10:19:52 -0700
    I love you Sarah. This is so beautiful in so many ways, ESPECIALLY coming from the perspective of someone (me) who knew you in those early days of this loss, and who sat on the phone with you many nights, both of us crying and in so much pain and heartbreak. And I just know that Drew and Don are up there somewhere together, flying and laughing and friends in their soul … just like us.

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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