Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

The Jury Has Made a Decision ...

As a widowed person, I sometimes feel as if I'm been convicted of something. 

Perhaps I did something wrong, and I just dont remember. 

Being widowed is sort of like having to plead your case,

take the Fifth,

plead insanity, 

to a Jury of your "peers",

over and over and over 

Again. 

For some reason,

when you become widowed,

people seem to think

that this gives them the right

to give any and all opinions

on your life. 

How you should feel.

What you should do. 

Shouldnt do. 

How you should grieve. 

When you should date. 

When you should "get rid of" his things. 

Take off your wedding ring. 

Move on. 

Get over it. 

"It's been 3 months. Why arent you dating anyone?" 

OR 

"It's been 6 years, and you're in LOVE after only knowing someone for a few months? That seems VERY FAST!" 

Well,

you know what? 

Fuck off. 

Seriously. 

Fuck. 

Off.  

 

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6 reactions Share

  • commented on Life is for Living 2016-11-25 08:49:10 -0800
    I love this for SO many reasons. This is what love is . You and Mike have such a deep love. He put aside his passions for awhile because he was so worried about triggering you, and now you are putting aside your triggers so he can have his passions. That is beautiful. And very courageous. xoxo

  • commented on Further Away 2016-11-25 08:43:26 -0800
    Thanks Hillary! There is no such thing as letting go or moving on, at least not in my world. I wont do it, and anyone that asks me to, can kindly go screw lol.

  • commented on Making Lemonade out of Death 2016-11-14 09:53:45 -0800
    I loved this, and you know I use humor as a coping skill, and more of a survivor skill, really. I liked how you discovered yourself taking on Megan’s use of dark humor as a coping device, “because it worked.” My husband Don also had this same humor. My humor is dark, but his was darker. He joked about things like death, and then he would burst out laughing and say “that was so wrong.” He loved that kind of humor, which is why I know he would LOVE the idea of me getting onstage and joking about grief and death and loss. About all the crappy things people say, etc etc. I always picture his face, in the front row, laughing like mad and giving me that look, like he was in awe of me.

  • commented on Poetry: Building Up The Bones 2016-11-14 09:43:03 -0800
    I love that.

  • commented on One Month Till One Year 2016-11-06 07:53:18 -0800
    Sweet girl, these pictures broke my heart. Im the Friday here on here, and been reading your posts and I just want to hug you. Im at 5 years now, and Iremember the 11 month mark, the one year mark, so well … and how awful it was, and how surreal it was, and how I replayed everything leading up to “the day” for 2 months before. Please know you will not be in this place forever. It will change and shift and not always be this hard and this raw pain all the time. My husbands death was sudden also.Here one second, gone the next. It will never make sense to me. Not ever. But Rumi is right. the healing from the pain is in the pain. Sending you love.

  • commented on Beautifully Broken 2016-11-14 09:44:26 -0800
    Thank you so much everyone. And Flo ,,,, how amazing that your friend shared that post on the same day I shared this. Definitely connected.

  • commented on 4 Things to Note about Dating a Widow/er 2016-11-01 17:12:54 -0700
    Mike, this is hilarious. you should write more funny stuff like this. So good!!! ps Remind me never to come over when youre cooking mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs. YUCK!!!! lol. thats some fine cuisine……..

  • commented on Its My Anniversary, and My Husband Is Dead 2016-10-30 07:06:41 -0700
    Thank you everyone. Judy – working didnt help at all. I was a mess the whole time and haad to havve my assistant cover my first class cuz I couldnt pull it together. Don – thank you, so glad it resonated with you, and so sorry any of us have to know what this feels like.

  • commented on Apples to Oranges 2016-10-30 05:29:51 -0700
    Oh wow I really liked this, especially that last line, about liking who you are with both of them. Since thats the key, right? Finding someone that makes us want to be the best of who we are, and who makes us feel better than we feel without them around. I think its impossible not to compare, but I love how you worded it, that youre really comparing how YOU are with both of them. And how cool that you and Sarah now have history together. I love that, and I love all the many ways that you add to each others lives. Keep writing, Mike. I really like reading your pieces.

  • commented on It's Back Again, But You're Not Here .... 2016-10-24 18:20:06 -0700
    Thank you to every one of you that replied. Im so thankful to you all. Really.

  • commented on I'm Sorry 2016-10-24 18:18:46 -0700
    Hey Michele, what are you sorry about? lol

  • commented on Celebrating the Tiny Victories 2016-10-24 18:17:59 -0700
    Yay!!! And you also took me to the airport!!! So thats another place you know how to get to now …. woo hoo!!!!

  • commented on Mending Furniture & Hearts 2016-10-16 09:14:30 -0700
    This is how I always pictured love after loss being too. Actually, this is how I NEED it to be. I simply wont do it any other way. ANYONE who wants me to forget about Don or push him into the background, or not love him anymore – doesnt understand at all, and wont last in a relationship with me. It has to all connect – like Michele says, its about blending what was, with what IS, with what will be. I think you and Mike do that really beautifully, and I really admire your relationship and all the ways you take care of each other, and all the ways you acknowledge and honor Drew and Megan as forever parts of your lives.

  • commented on Stepping out of the Vacuum 2016-10-03 07:11:21 -0700
    This is why EVERY SINGLE TIME I go back to camp widow, I get something new out of it. Meet new people, hear a message I really needed to hear, understand something from a new perspective, or get instantly reminded once again , from allthe terrrified new faces walking in crying and saying “I cant do this” – just how absolutely vital it IS that community likethis exists. ANd its my community , my FAMILY, that covers for me when I cant write my blog lol. Thank you Sarah!

  • commented on Reconnecting to Magic 2016-10-03 07:04:15 -0700
    I love this. What a beautiful tradition.

  • commented on It's the 3 Dots at the end... 2016-09-21 14:08:30 -0700
    so beautiful, and so very true. xoxo

  • commented on 15 Years Later 2016-09-13 17:08:16 -0700
    Amen.

  • commented on The Springtime of my Heart 2016-09-11 12:20:01 -0700
    So beautiful. congrats on officially moving in!

  • commented on A Path Built on Love 2016-09-11 12:14:38 -0700
    THank you everyone!!! Im equal parts excited, scared, and really sad to be leaving NYC. Its very hard and emotional, and yet I feel like its time. Thanks for the words of support. It helps knowing Im not completely insane for leaving my job of 16 years for something unknown …….

  • commented on Peanut Butter and Homework 2016-09-07 18:06:08 -0700
    So touching, as always. I love reading your blogs.

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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