Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Through the Roof

It's been one of those weeks. 

My anxiety is through the roof,

and Im not sure why. 


Well, thats not entirely true. 

I always know why. 

I'm a sudden death widow. 


My husband, at age 46, young and healthy and never sick a day in his life (literally - the man called out once from work in all the years I knew him, and it was so he could lie in bed and cry and grieve his cat Isabelle, when she died), left for work one morning, and never came home. 

As long as I live on this earth, his death will never make sense in my brain. 

I can "accept" that it happened, because I have no choice.

I live with his death every day. 

But it will never make sense logically.

In my brain.

Or in my heart. 

There will never be a "why" for that question. 

It just hangs there.

Until forever.


My husband left for work that day at 5am or so, not waking me. 

I was jarred awake by a ringing phone, over and over. 

Around 6:30 am. 

It was the call of death. 

The call that said "the life you knew is gone." 

I literally woke up to a brand new Hell. 


Read more
2 reactions Share

The Jury Has Made a Decision ...

As a widowed person, I sometimes feel as if I'm been convicted of something. 

Perhaps I did something wrong, and I just dont remember. 

Being widowed is sort of like having to plead your case,

take the Fifth,

plead insanity, 

to a Jury of your "peers",

over and over and over 


For some reason,

when you become widowed,

people seem to think

that this gives them the right

to give any and all opinions

on your life. 

How you should feel.

What you should do. 

Shouldnt do. 

How you should grieve. 

When you should date. 

When you should "get rid of" his things. 

Take off your wedding ring. 

Move on. 

Get over it. 

"It's been 3 months. Why arent you dating anyone?" 


"It's been 6 years, and you're in LOVE after only knowing someone for a few months? That seems VERY FAST!" 


you know what? 

Fuck off. 





Read more
6 reactions Share

  • commented on The Things We Carry 2015-10-26 17:38:03 -0700
    oh Tricia, what a beautiful last post. I will miss reading your blogs on Mondays. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary – would have been 9 years – very rough day for me. But reading your words about having real love , even for a very short time, has made me have a slight change in perspective tonight when I start thinking about tomorrow and what it represents. Thank you for that.

  • commented on The Big Move 2015-10-25 08:59:24 -0700
    I cried when I read what Mike said to you. Perfect. And yes, joy and pain will always exist in the same breathe for us. I have learned to accept this too. I love you. Mommy.

  • commented on Grief Timeline 2015-10-24 08:58:48 -0700
    ps LOOK!!! Im at the top of the leaderboard!!! I want a prize!!!! lol

  • commented on A New Chapter Begins 2015-10-20 07:11:07 -0700
    Oooh I love the way this one ends. I cant wait to read it either, and this is exactly how I feel about Don, like he is a part of everything I do going forward from now on, and like he often somehow helps to orchestrate it or point me in the right direction. Sarahs move reminds me so much of Don’s move from Florida to NJ. He put his whole life (including his cat) in that Pensky truck and took a risk on a new life with me. What a beautiful thing that is to remember.

  • commented on Always and Never 2015-10-18 07:23:42 -0700
    Yes, Carolyn, you can quote me or share my words (I posted the link to this blog on my Facebook so you can share that if you want, or click share from this site), and yes, I would appreciate giving me credit for my words. As long as you do that, you definitely have my permission. One time I found a meme being passed around with MY quote on it and it didnt say who wrote it , and it really annoyed me because I have no idea who created it without putting my name on it. Thats just rude. Anyway, love you all!!!!

  • commented on A Bold Step Forward 2015-10-18 07:17:54 -0700
    Wow that is beyond awesome and brave. Very proud of you and happy for you!!!

  • commented on To Choose Pain 2015-10-13 13:09:43 -0700
    Beautiful post, and brings back memories of rummaging through our storage unit , 14 months after he died, when I was forced to move out of our apartment. I was going through not only my life in boxes, but his, because almost everything he owned that didnt fit in our tiny apartment, was in that storage unit. There were pieces of him in there that I didnt even know about, or that I wanted to know more about, and it was very very hard. Love you !

  • commented on Grease Monkey 2015-10-13 13:06:24 -0700
    Man, you remind me so much of Don in so many ways. He had his car that he treated like a princess, and he was always washing it and polishing it and loving on it. I used to ask him all the time if he and his car would like to be left alone, because they seemed pretty intimate. Before my husband was a paramedic, he was a car mechanic for Cadillac, so he was always fixing cars and loved it. And before that, he was Flight Crew Chief and mechanic for F-16’s in the Air Force. He just loved rescuing things. And animals. And people. And I so miss that about him. That mechanic with the dirty hands who had that passion for fixing up his car. I love that you are bringing the car back to life, and I love what it represents for you.

  • commented on The Waves of Grief 2015-10-10 11:55:43 -0700
    Makes total sense to me why that might be an unexpected trigger for you. This movie premise reminds me a lot of Tom Hanks in “Castaway” – similar theme, a man trying to survive on a deserted island after being the sole survivor of a plane crash. I dont know if this might help or not to understand a little bit what might have been inside Dan’s mind, but one of my good friend’s attempted suicide a few months ago. He actually was stopped by police breaking down the door to his hotel room where he had brought his dad’s gun and was seconds away from doing it. He explained to me what it felt like in the moment right when he was going to pull the trigger. He said it was as if someone else was doing it, someone else or some force in his brain was in control, and not him. He said he felt almost paralyzed by the fog and that NOTHING was on his mind about his family or friends or anything like that – just this intense need that this must be done. When the cops came in and he saw his friend who had called them to stop it, he fell out of the fog and ran and broke down in his friends arms. Again, I hope this isnt MORE upsetting, but Im telling you this because I think in that moment, the brain of the person who is doing this goes somewhere that we cant understand. And even they cant understand it, and if they could stop it, they probably would. But it takes over and they cant see anything else except that. So, in a way, Dan probably did fight for his life, but he just didnt know how maybe. I hope Im making sense.

  • commented on Natural Selection 2015-10-06 13:59:53 -0700
    I love “Mike” day and “Sarah” day at Widows Voice lol. Tuesdays and Sundays ….

  • commented on Over It 2015-10-04 10:33:29 -0700
    Thanks guys. I hate feeling so scared and not having him here to comfort me. He was amazing at comforting me.

  • commented on Many Families, One Tree 2015-10-04 10:27:43 -0700
    Okay that was worth the wait, even though I still feel that you write your blogs on MY schedule, so that I may wake up and drink my coffee and read your blog on Sundays. Did you tell this man your story and how much you loved that he had that collage? What was his reaction? I hope you told him. I absolutely love the idea of having everyone in the same collage … and what a perfect name for it too … the collage of love and family that comes from life and death. LOVE THIS.

  • commented on Not Growing Old Together 2015-09-29 14:59:07 -0700
    THank you so much everyone for your replies. This new website format wont let me respond to you individually, so I apoligize for that. James, thank you for sharing about your wife with me. Your loss is so new and its going to take awhile for you to be able to see a future with out her here. Its just so hard but we will all get through it. Thanks everyone. I love reading your comments.

  • commented on Remember the Fall 2015-09-29 14:55:24 -0700
    Of course you would. We all would I think. And i know exactly what you mean about NEEDING to just talk about it and vent it out sometimes, feel the fiery rage that comes with it, and then release it. Thanks for sharing that. You have all been through so much.

  • commented on About A Girl 2015-09-27 09:20:14 -0700
    Damn you and your brilliant writing. Also, this is the perfect blog post for me to say …..

  • commented on Observation 2015-09-22 08:30:40 -0700
    What a beautiful thought process on this. I believe the same, and it took me some time to come to that belief. In the end, it was Don himself who changed my beliefs, because I kept FEELING signs from him over and over, and after awhile, I had to stop denying their validity and just decide to go with it and believe. I truly believe Megan and Drew are somehow together now, and that they have brought you and Sarah together so you can be happy again. And I believe that Megan Drew and Don were all with us in toronto at the Rainbow Bridge, and that us 3 were supposed to go there that day. And this is one of my very favorite pictures of the 3 of you.

  • commented on The First Big Departure 2015-09-20 13:17:41 -0700
    I love that you recognize and acknowledge that there will always be that other path of what COULD have happened had he not died … man, its so painful and hard to always know that, isnt it? To have it floating around, that big unanswered question. Like you said, it deserves tears. Im so happy, and sad, but mostly happy, for you, for the life you continue to create and live.

  • commented on Regretting an Absent Memory 2015-09-19 08:00:04 -0700
    BY the way, thank you for letting me tell the story about the Rainbow Bidge, which Ill be doing in my personal blog over the weekend. I havent had the time to properly write it all out, but I do today and tomorrow.

  • commented on What Not to Talk About on a First Date... 2015-09-19 07:48:05 -0700
    Ugh, yeah, this made me cringe. And you are WAY braver than me. I also want to fall in love again, but Im just NOT willing to “put myself out there” through the dating sites , or go on multiple dates with different people. I literally want my person to just fall into my lap, and if they dont, oh well. Im soooo not willing to go searching for them lol. Im too damn tired and lazy and Ive been through too much. I give you a lot of credit. That conversation had to be painful and sad. I would be afraid Id burst into tears from being forced to talk about , like you said, the "most painful thing " in my life. Major hugs, woman. xoxo

  • commented on Parallels & Pushing On 2015-09-06 09:02:11 -0700
    Cant. Stop. Crying. The stars . Your mom. Shelby’s mom. Her bedroom. Your bedroom. All of it. How unbelievably poetic and beautiful. I want to know everything. How it goes with the parents, how it goes with the rental place, Im going to be stalking your life cuz this shit is awesome and fascinating and beautiful and epic. See you in a few days!!!!

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
Donate Volunteer Membership