Kelley Lynn commented on The Things We Carry 2015-10-26 17:38:03 -0700oh Tricia, what a beautiful last post. I will miss reading your blogs on Mondays. Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary – would have been 9 years – very rough day for me. But reading your words about having real love , even for a very short time, has made me have a slight change in perspective tonight when I start thinking about tomorrow and what it represents. Thank you for that.
Kelley Lynn commented on The Big Move 2015-10-25 08:59:24 -0700I cried when I read what Mike said to you. Perfect. And yes, joy and pain will always exist in the same breathe for us. I have learned to accept this too. I love you. Mommy.
Kelley Lynn commented on Grief Timeline 2015-10-24 08:58:48 -0700ps LOOK!!! Im at the top of the leaderboard!!! I want a prize!!!! lol
Kelley Lynn commented on A New Chapter Begins 2015-10-20 07:11:07 -0700Oooh I love the way this one ends. I cant wait to read it either, and this is exactly how I feel about Don, like he is a part of everything I do going forward from now on, and like he often somehow helps to orchestrate it or point me in the right direction. Sarahs move reminds me so much of Don’s move from Florida to NJ. He put his whole life (including his cat) in that Pensky truck and took a risk on a new life with me. What a beautiful thing that is to remember.
Kelley Lynn commented on Always and Never 2015-10-18 07:23:42 -0700Yes, Carolyn, you can quote me or share my words (I posted the link to this blog on my Facebook so you can share that if you want, or click share from this site), and yes, I would appreciate giving me credit for my words. As long as you do that, you definitely have my permission. One time I found a meme being passed around with MY quote on it and it didnt say who wrote it , and it really annoyed me because I have no idea who created it without putting my name on it. Thats just rude. Anyway, love you all!!!!
Kelley Lynn commented on A Bold Step Forward 2015-10-18 07:17:54 -0700Wow that is beyond awesome and brave. Very proud of you and happy for you!!!
Kelley Lynn commented on To Choose Pain 2015-10-13 13:09:43 -0700Beautiful post, and brings back memories of rummaging through our storage unit , 14 months after he died, when I was forced to move out of our apartment. I was going through not only my life in boxes, but his, because almost everything he owned that didnt fit in our tiny apartment, was in that storage unit. There were pieces of him in there that I didnt even know about, or that I wanted to know more about, and it was very very hard. Love you !
Kelley Lynn commented on Grease Monkey 2015-10-13 13:06:24 -0700Man, you remind me so much of Don in so many ways. He had his car that he treated like a princess, and he was always washing it and polishing it and loving on it. I used to ask him all the time if he and his car would like to be left alone, because they seemed pretty intimate. Before my husband was a paramedic, he was a car mechanic for Cadillac, so he was always fixing cars and loved it. And before that, he was Flight Crew Chief and mechanic for F-16’s in the Air Force. He just loved rescuing things. And animals. And people. And I so miss that about him. That mechanic with the dirty hands who had that passion for fixing up his car. I love that you are bringing the car back to life, and I love what it represents for you.
Kelley Lynn commented on The Waves of Grief 2015-10-10 11:55:43 -0700Makes total sense to me why that might be an unexpected trigger for you. This movie premise reminds me a lot of Tom Hanks in “Castaway” – similar theme, a man trying to survive on a deserted island after being the sole survivor of a plane crash. I dont know if this might help or not to understand a little bit what might have been inside Dan’s mind, but one of my good friend’s attempted suicide a few months ago. He actually was stopped by police breaking down the door to his hotel room where he had brought his dad’s gun and was seconds away from doing it. He explained to me what it felt like in the moment right when he was going to pull the trigger. He said it was as if someone else was doing it, someone else or some force in his brain was in control, and not him. He said he felt almost paralyzed by the fog and that NOTHING was on his mind about his family or friends or anything like that – just this intense need that this must be done. When the cops came in and he saw his friend who had called them to stop it, he fell out of the fog and ran and broke down in his friends arms. Again, I hope this isnt MORE upsetting, but Im telling you this because I think in that moment, the brain of the person who is doing this goes somewhere that we cant understand. And even they cant understand it, and if they could stop it, they probably would. But it takes over and they cant see anything else except that. So, in a way, Dan probably did fight for his life, but he just didnt know how maybe. I hope Im making sense.
Kelley Lynn commented on Natural Selection 2015-10-06 13:59:53 -0700I love “Mike” day and “Sarah” day at Widows Voice lol. Tuesdays and Sundays ….
Kelley Lynn commented on Over It 2015-10-04 10:33:29 -0700Thanks guys. I hate feeling so scared and not having him here to comfort me. He was amazing at comforting me.
Kelley Lynn commented on Many Families, One Tree 2015-10-04 10:27:43 -0700Okay that was worth the wait, even though I still feel that you write your blogs on MY schedule, so that I may wake up and drink my coffee and read your blog on Sundays. Did you tell this man your story and how much you loved that he had that collage? What was his reaction? I hope you told him. I absolutely love the idea of having everyone in the same collage … and what a perfect name for it too … the collage of love and family that comes from life and death. LOVE THIS.
Kelley Lynn commented on Not Growing Old Together 2015-09-29 14:59:07 -0700THank you so much everyone for your replies. This new website format wont let me respond to you individually, so I apoligize for that. James, thank you for sharing about your wife with me. Your loss is so new and its going to take awhile for you to be able to see a future with out her here. Its just so hard but we will all get through it. Thanks everyone. I love reading your comments.
Kelley Lynn commented on Remember the Fall 2015-09-29 14:55:24 -0700Of course you would. We all would I think. And i know exactly what you mean about NEEDING to just talk about it and vent it out sometimes, feel the fiery rage that comes with it, and then release it. Thanks for sharing that. You have all been through so much.
Kelley Lynn commented on About A Girl 2015-09-27 09:20:14 -0700Damn you and your brilliant writing. Also, this is the perfect blog post for me to say …..
Kelley Lynn commented on Observation 2015-09-22 08:30:40 -0700What a beautiful thought process on this. I believe the same, and it took me some time to come to that belief. In the end, it was Don himself who changed my beliefs, because I kept FEELING signs from him over and over, and after awhile, I had to stop denying their validity and just decide to go with it and believe. I truly believe Megan and Drew are somehow together now, and that they have brought you and Sarah together so you can be happy again. And I believe that Megan Drew and Don were all with us in toronto at the Rainbow Bridge, and that us 3 were supposed to go there that day. And this is one of my very favorite pictures of the 3 of you.
Kelley Lynn commented on The First Big Departure 2015-09-20 13:17:41 -0700I love that you recognize and acknowledge that there will always be that other path of what COULD have happened had he not died … man, its so painful and hard to always know that, isnt it? To have it floating around, that big unanswered question. Like you said, it deserves tears. Im so happy, and sad, but mostly happy, for you, for the life you continue to create and live.
Kelley Lynn commented on Regretting an Absent Memory 2015-09-19 08:00:04 -0700BY the way, thank you for letting me tell the story about the Rainbow Bidge, which Ill be doing in my personal blog over the weekend. I havent had the time to properly write it all out, but I do today and tomorrow.
Kelley Lynn commented on What Not to Talk About on a First Date... 2015-09-19 07:48:05 -0700Ugh, yeah, this made me cringe. And you are WAY braver than me. I also want to fall in love again, but Im just NOT willing to “put myself out there” through the dating sites , or go on multiple dates with different people. I literally want my person to just fall into my lap, and if they dont, oh well. Im soooo not willing to go searching for them lol. Im too damn tired and lazy and Ive been through too much. I give you a lot of credit. That conversation had to be painful and sad. I would be afraid Id burst into tears from being forced to talk about , like you said, the "most painful thing " in my life. Major hugs, woman. xoxo
Kelley Lynn commented on Parallels & Pushing On 2015-09-06 09:02:11 -0700Cant. Stop. Crying. The stars . Your mom. Shelby’s mom. Her bedroom. Your bedroom. All of it. How unbelievably poetic and beautiful. I want to know everything. How it goes with the parents, how it goes with the rental place, Im going to be stalking your life cuz this shit is awesome and fascinating and beautiful and epic. See you in a few days!!!!
It's been one of those weeks.
My anxiety is through the roof,
and Im not sure why.
Well, thats not entirely true.
I always know why.
I'm a sudden death widow.
My husband, at age 46, young and healthy and never sick a day in his life (literally - the man called out once from work in all the years I knew him, and it was so he could lie in bed and cry and grieve his cat Isabelle, when she died), left for work one morning, and never came home.
As long as I live on this earth, his death will never make sense in my brain.
I can "accept" that it happened, because I have no choice.
I live with his death every day.
But it will never make sense logically.
In my brain.
Or in my heart.
There will never be a "why" for that question.
It just hangs there.
My husband left for work that day at 5am or so, not waking me.
I was jarred awake by a ringing phone, over and over.
Around 6:30 am.
It was the call of death.
The call that said "the life you knew is gone."
I literally woke up to a brand new Hell.
As a widowed person, I sometimes feel as if I'm been convicted of something.
Perhaps I did something wrong, and I just dont remember.
Being widowed is sort of like having to plead your case,
take the Fifth,
to a Jury of your "peers",
over and over and over
For some reason,
when you become widowed,
people seem to think
that this gives them the right
to give any and all opinions
on your life.
How you should feel.
What you should do.
How you should grieve.
When you should date.
When you should "get rid of" his things.
Take off your wedding ring.
Get over it.
"It's been 3 months. Why arent you dating anyone?"
"It's been 6 years, and you're in LOVE after only knowing someone for a few months? That seems VERY FAST!"
you know what?