Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Different Camp, Different Me

*Normally I write on Fridays, and although this post will appear here on Friday, I am writing it Wednesday evening, and setting it to publish Friday. This way I dont have to worry about finding a computer to post the blog while at the Marriott and busy with other things. 



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I Hate ....

I hate my anxiety.

I hate that my husband died,

while I was asleep,

at home,

and he had just left for work.

I hate that a ringing phone,

in the early morning hours,

will forever make me panicky,

and give me that feeling,

of knives sitting in my throat.


I hate that he just disappeared,

from my life.

He wasn't sick.

He wasn't ever sick.

And then,


just like that,

he was gone.


I hate that I was sleeping,

while my husband was collapsing,

on a floor,

inside a store,


Totally alone.


I have gone through the necessary therapy,

processing through these emotions,

feeling them,

letting them shift to somewhere different,

and it has helped,



I will always, always

feel a sense of helplessness,

and panic,

and unbelievable terror,

when its morning-time,

and I haven't heard from my love.

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  • commented on Coffee with Missing Pieces 2018-03-16 09:04:38 -0700 · Flag
    Oh man, I totally wish I could hug you in a creepy manner right now, and call you mommy LOL. I don’t know what its like to lose your mom so young in life, or to go through adulthood without your mom or dad – I don’t know what that is – but your beautiful and honest writings about it, have certainly helped me to better understand that feeling of nervousness , of feeling ungrounded. I DO understand so well about hearing a word, such as “mom”, in normal conversation, and having it just wound you, and shine a light on the thing you will never have. I love you, mommy – and I think youre a courageous person. I so wish I could see you next week, and I know that you are wishing that too. xoxo

  • commented on Maturity Rising 2018-03-16 08:56:19 -0700 · Flag
    I love everything about this Mike. You are a good day. You are letting your daughter grow up to be a person with her own thoughts and feelings, while allowing her to ask the sometimes hard or unanswerable questions, that might surely come up.

  • commented on Its Your Birthday, My Heart and Back Know 2018-03-16 08:48:57 -0700 · Flag
    INDIE – I am sorry you haven’t found that door yet, the one that will make you feel as if you aren’t just simply existing – but actually living again. I can only tell you it took me 6 years to find that feeling, and still now, its very hard some days. I fight for my joy everyday. Its never easy. I hope you wont give up on yourself. When youre exhausted, take breaks. Take emotional breaks to zone out, think about something else, see a funny movie. Then come back to it when you can handle it more. You can reach out to me anytime also. Here. On Facebook, or at my email For real. Please don’t give up.

  • commented on New Directions Coming 2018-03-16 08:33:08 -0700 · Flag
    Im so damn proud of you.

  • commented on Home & The Heart 2018-03-16 08:30:08 -0700 · Flag
    Finally have somet ime to catchup on blogs. Love this. And I wish that Don could read it, as crazy as that sounds. He and you have so much in common, and he never stopped missing Florida.

  • commented on Half Life 2018-03-16 08:24:32 -0700 · Flag
    Finally have time to sit and read through some of these blogs. I like this one. ANd I get it. I relate. Also, what exactly would a tragic mayonnaise accident look like? Never mind. I don’t want to know.

  • commented on Resentment and PTSD 2018-02-26 13:04:43 -0800 · Flag
    thank you both, so much.

  • commented on 100% Chance of Rain 2018-02-23 06:23:41 -0800 · Flag
    Love this . Ben feeling similar lately. Im 46 – the same age Don was when he suddenly died with no symptoms. Im petrified I wont make it to 47, and I hate even talking about it . Ugh. And like you, I resent it. xoxo

  • commented on Number Eleven 2018-02-23 06:20:05 -0800 · Flag
    THis is really beautiful and bittersweet, sounds like you did an amazing job at not being an embarassing dad lol

  • commented on Flowers, Cake, and Change 2018-01-21 20:16:56 -0800 · Flag
    thank you carol. Your words are very kind xoxo

  • commented on The End is Lurking 2018-02-26 13:08:00 -0800 · Flag
    I think that all the time. “does he know that he died?” ugh.

  • commented on Walking in the Snow 2018-01-13 11:39:42 -0800 · Flag
    Great visuals Gabe. Love it!

  • commented on Happy Birthday to Michele, just one L ... 2017-12-30 16:33:51 -0800 · Flag
    Kim, Im so sorry. Try to breathe. Hang on. And I will for sure give you a big hug in March.

    Thank you Candace and Staci. I believe this too, that we all have this bit of magic in us.

  • commented on The Obnoxious Holiday Letter 2017-12-29 12:27:51 -0800 · Flag
    Carolyn I would love to see one of those letters if you can find it!!!! Darren sounds awesome!!!
    HAHA Cathy it will soon be time for my valentines video again lol.

  • commented on Have a Friggin Holly Jolly Christmas 2017-12-22 09:31:33 -0800 · Flag
    thats what I tell myself often, when I dont want to do something or when it sucks. That at least I have the honor of being ABLE to do x thing, and all Don gets to do is keep being dead. As silly as it sounds, it does help me out of my rut some. :)

  • commented on Happy Hellidays 2017-12-16 07:43:20 -0800 · Flag
    Happy Hellidays!

  • commented on Wherever You Are, It's Okay 2017-12-16 07:47:29 -0800 · Flag
    THank you Grace …. I am definitely enjoying it … I feel like ALL my emotions are amped up lately…. at full blast… happy, sad, all of it …. its at full volume…

  • commented on Through the Roof 2017-12-10 08:42:17 -0800 · Flag
    thank you Linda. I appreciate your kind words.

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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