Kelley Lynn

When I first lost my husband to sudden death, I knew absolutely nobody that was my age who was widowed. The word "widow" made me cringe, and I ran away from any possibility that it could or would ever apply to me. Then I discovered Soaring Spirits and Camp Widow. Here were these people - hundreds of them - all over the country and the world - who were just like me. They had lost their partners too, and they were hurting and feeling alone too. Except suddenly, none of us were alone anymore, because now we had each other. The widowed community that I have met through Soaring Spirits is a HUGE part of the reason why I am alive and WANTING to be alive today. No joke. My widowed friends save my life over and over and over again, and I love them in a way that is impossible to describe. Soaring Spirits connects widowed people, and when you lose the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with - connection to people who "get it" means everything. My friends in the widowed community are evidence that there is life - joyful life - after loss. They inspire me daily, and I will always pay it forward however I can to Soaring Spirits, for giving me back my life again.

Change Your Mind, Change the World

On March 31st, in NYC, I was honored to be chosen to give a TEDx Talk, at Adelphi University. My talk was about how we, as a society, need to change the conversation about grief and loss and death, and change the way we treat both the people we love who have died, AND those that are left behind to miss and grieve them. The talk was performed live in front of an audience of about 400, and also was live-streamed on the internet all over the world. The response was insanely amazing and instant, to the live talk. For the past month and a half, I have been patiently (impatiently) waiting for the green light from the TED corporate people, to release my talk into the internet, and be able to finally share it all over social media. Well, my release date was Wednesday, and so it is now out there for the world to see, online, where it will remain forever. 

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  • commented on Echoes in my Heart 2017-05-21 08:06:20 -0700
    Oh man, I SO get this. And I do the same thing. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially with real joy and moments of bliss. I try to remain inside the joy, but sometimes it just turns to immediate sadness out of nowhere. I really do think its because you have had so much loss, but I also think its a ’sudden loss" thing. There is literally almost NO moment where Im not acutely aware that every single thing can be snatched away from me, with no warning or reason. And thats a weird way to live, having that knowledge. Its scary sometimes.

  • commented on Change Your Mind, Change the World 2017-05-21 08:07:44 -0700
    Thank you Marty!!! I appreciate that.

  • commented on A Phonecall from a Friend 2017-05-12 06:49:24 -0700
    Awww Im so sorry about your friends dad, and I know exactly what youmean about the depth that death brings. Love you xo

  • commented on Going Postal 2017-05-12 06:46:46 -0700
    Its been the same way here too. Cold and rainy and cloudy. With a few days here and there of sunshine. Very strange May weather. But I shall go outside anyway, as you have instructed lol ……..

  • commented on How to Keep on Loving... 2017-04-30 08:41:27 -0700
    Dammit, Sarah. Sobbing my head off. This is what happens when you choose to let love in. And holy shit, do I ever love you. So happy you are in my life. This is absolutely amazing, and I truly wish I could have been there in person. If I could have afforded to be there, I soooo would have been. It sounds magical beyond description. xoxo ….

  • commented on Sewing My Widow Oats 2017-04-29 07:56:48 -0700
    pat if you can friend me on facebook I can tell you the names of the widowed groups. they are private and/or secret, so you have to be asked in or know someone who is in it . You can find me under Kelley Lynn on FB if we arent friends already. Im FB friends with lots of widowed peeps so I lose track lol.

  • commented on Half-finished 2017-04-16 09:11:48 -0700
    I love the way you explained this. It helps me in my own life to feel less guilty about some things that are in limbo or stalled or I havent finished them yet. I seee it a little differently now. Thanks for that.

  • commented on Dealing with Resentment 2017-04-16 09:03:51 -0700
    Oh boy can I ever relate to this. This actually happened this morning to me, while chatting with the new guy Im seeing, who is not widowed, so its even more complicated to explain myself to him sometimes. Anyway, we were chatting and he made a joke and I took it the wrong way and then accused him of not appreciating me . In the end, I realized I was putting all my pat “stuff” from the past year and a half on him, AND in a way, comparing him to Don, because it all went back to "Don appreciated me. " Ugh. I apoligized and explained that sometimes I get overly sensitive about things, and he explained that his sarcastic humor often gets him into trouble. Its all good now, but communicating is really tough sometimes, when your emotionss are just so complex and living in two different worlds sometime …. that duality of widowhood that I wwrote about in my Friday post. xo

  • commented on A Shared Darkness 2017-04-07 14:08:43 -0700
    this is awesome.And beautiful. im so gladyou have met this friend.

  • commented on Your Story is Worth Telling 2017-04-02 08:44:02 -0700
    Beautiful. Shared on my FB. I was SO beyond honored to share your story. That little girl under the Christmas tree just really says it all, about the power of sharing life and love forward. Love you!!!

  • commented on Ten Years Old 2017-02-23 06:36:42 -0800
    Damn. That little girl is amazing. And so are you, Mike. For real. Please give yourself some credit for raising this beautiful person. Megan prepared her for a life without her mom physically in it, and you are GIVING her that life. Every single day. Youre a great dad.

  • commented on Wish You Were Here 2017-02-16 09:31:27 -0800
    oh and p.s, Don LOVED space and science and NASA too. He was obsessed. I think we talked about this before, you and me. How Drew and Don both loved science and both loved planes (Flight crew chief for f-17 in Air Force). I meant to tell you in my last comment that you NEED to go see the film thats out now HIDDEN FIGURES. Its unbelievable. Best film of the year. Its about 3 black women working behind the scenes at NASA, during times of segregation, that each played a huge part in the John Glen mission. Its sooo good.

  • commented on Resolve 2017-02-16 09:13:33 -0800
    I love this. thank you so much for sharing this with the community, and for trusting us with your words and your story. I really do believe that love can play a huge part in the healing process, and its so beautiful for me to see that Sarah’s love for you was the push you needed to begin to make things right, and “do things right”. This is what I long to have with someone. For my love to be enough so they want to live better – for us, and for their forever person who died, and for mine. For them to realize its WORTH the risk. Love is always worth the risk. You guys give me hope right now. Thanks.

  • commented on Words as Weapons 2017-02-09 13:29:07 -0800
    Well damn. This might be my favorite thing you have ever written.
    And its not JUST because you mentioned my name in it . lol.
    Its because I relate 100%. This is the EXACT reason that I write, too. Yes!!!

    ps. I AM responsible for you and Sarah. I started the conversation with you, which in turn, began you turning to her and conversing with her. Probably to get away from my crazy ass lol. Its all me. You are together because of me. Deal with it lol.

  • commented on Evolving 2017-02-05 10:15:30 -0800
    This post is courageous as hell, as was Mike’s this past week. I love that you are sharing ALL of the complexities with us about finding love again as widowed people – because its the truth. Future relationships are complex as hell, there are so many emotions and past “stuff” and feelings to deal with, from everyone involved. But its also such a beautiful thing to be able to have someone to love your person with, grieve them with, honor them with, all while creating new moments of life with each other. I just love you both to pieces, and I know you will be more than okay, because you have each other’s backs. Thats all I want – to not have to go through this alone . xo

  • commented on It's 2 AM. Do I Know Where my Brain is? 2017-02-02 19:21:37 -0800
    So beautiful, and i dont know any of the answers to any of your questions, for I ask them myself all the time.

  • commented on Devolve 2017-02-01 15:23:32 -0800
    Mike, you know I always love your blogs, but this one is really courageous, for you to share so openly. This will help a lot of people, especially men I think, who are hesitant about figuring out their issues and emotions, or admitting they need work on them. I think we are ALL a mess after our losses, for different reasons, and the specifics are different, but we are all messed up in different ways. When we find someone , like you and Sarah have, who will sit with us in our messed-up-ness, but also call us out on it, that is a very good and beautiful thing. I know you and Sarah will be just fine, and sometimes things that are unresolved between people, such as you and Megan, end up finding a different unexpected way of resolving. It does suck that you didnt get to fully resolve things with Megan, but when she died – you had been trying for awhile, and I truly believe she knows that , and you should feel good that she knew that.

  • commented on Building New Wings Ain't Easy 2017-01-30 08:15:42 -0800
    This is awesome. And so are you. I truly think that love after loss is just extremely complicated and weird and sensitive and emotional, and maybe its supposed to be. How could it not be? But Its also beautiful, and what you two have built together is a forever honor to Drew, Megan, and yourselves.

  • commented on Overload 2017-01-27 11:14:57 -0800
    thank you stephanie!!!! Appreciate that!

  • commented on Needing the Deads' Voice 2017-01-24 11:55:59 -0800
    will Sarah be with you when you go? I agree with Marisssa to prepare yourself emotionally for the triggers that are sure to come. I know for myself, I could NOT go anywhere near the hospital where I saw Don , lying there dead – where I found out he had died, where I was taken into that tiny private room to be told my husband had died. Just driving BY that hospital gave me panic attacks and anxiety for a good 14 months. Then I moved out of NJ, so I didnt have to go near it anymore after that. If I had to go near it or in it even now, Im quite sure Id feel nauseous and unable to function. The smell, the memory of “would you like to see him?” and that tiny room, all of it haunts me. Yes, be there for your friend, for sure. But pleaase take care of yourself and have a plan if you NEED to get the hell out for a few minutes. If Sarah is with you, she can help you with this. Youre a good friend.

Kelley is a comedian, writer, actor, and speaker living in NYC. She married her soul-mate and best friend Don, in October of 2006. She was 35, and he was 42. Just over four years later, he would die shockingly from a massive heart-attack. Kelley has turne
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