I am in a relationship.
It's been about 5 months now and it's mostly going great.
I am finding that having a relationship while still grieving for what I do not have is very, very difficult.
Of course it's difficult to blend the children. Some of mine are making it WAY difficult.
His (he has been a widower for over 8 years) have been great.
But that's not it.
I find it difficult to NOT expect what I had before....
To not expect to feel the way I felt when Jim and I fell in love (yes, that was 29 years ago .... my life--and I -- were a wee bit different).
To not wish that Jim were still here so that this would be a moot point.
To not compare the two men .... sometimes.
To not think, "Jim would/would never have said/done that."
To not think, "Jim knew everything about me ... even before I opened my mouth to speak."
To not think, "I (still) can NOT believe that this is my life!"
I think that I'm getting better at all of this .... little by little.
But it's a very long road.
I am grateful that this man is walking on the same path that we all are.
He is incredibly patient with me.
And while there are some days when I ask, "Is it worth the effort?" ...... there are other days when I can say .... without a doubt ..... "Yes it is."
Very much so.
But then, I don't think there's much in life that isn't worth the effort.
We just have to make a choice.
And today, this day, I choose love.