Last week one of my children experienced a tragedy.
This child called me within minutes of the experience.
I listened to him, stunned at what had happened and not believing what he had gone through.
My very first thought, my first instinct .... was that I had to call Jim.
In fact .... I thought that more than one time during the phone call.
In spite of the fact that he's been dead for over 2 years.
I was stunned that that was still my instinct. My mind was numb and that was the only thought I had.
I'm still stunned over that thought.
How long will it be before my brain stops going there?
How long will it seem like my brain is in denial about my reality?
And how long will my heart feel like a knife goes through it when that instinct kicks in and then my mind catches up with the truth?
And while I'm asking questions with no answers ...... how long will it be before I stop having this thought ..... "I can NOT believe that he's really dead."?
I don't have that thought nearly as often as I used to .... but I still have it.
I still have moments when I can't believe that this is my reality.
Thankfully, it doesn't knock me to my knees like it used to.
Although it can still bring me to tears.
Does it ever go away?