I have many memories of hospitals from the months of Daniel's cancer treatment. I was at every appointment, every procedure, in some cases I was Daniel's voice because the nurses and doctors weren't always patient enough to understand his altered speech. I remember him telling me how much he appreciated me being there, and how much it meant to him to know that he was not alone in his battle.
I had a medical procedure myself last week. My dad flew in from England to stay with me and help me with my son. Although I didn't expect to need much help, Dad offered to come anyway. I was taking a week off of work, and he thought it was a great opportunity for a visit. I agreed. Thank goodness he came, as I was far more incapacitated than I was expecting, and I needed his help much more than I would have thought.
My dad and Grayson took me in for my surgery, and because he was watching Grayson, my dad left me there with plans to pick me up afterwards. I went back for my procedure alone and waited for the surgeon to come. As I lay in the hospital bed, my thoughts turned to the countless hours I had spent in various hospitals with Daniel, how much he hated being there, and how much I hate being in hospitals now. I would sit by his side, read, talk to him, distract him, etc. Who was doing that for me? Where was my partner "in sickness"?
I'll admit I had a small pity party for myself, and it was before they gave me the sedative....so no excuse there! :) I just felt so alone and for a minute I wallowed in it. I only gave myself about a minute though before I began to make a list of those who were with me, whether they were there holding my hand or not: my son, who was so anxious to have me feel better and so willing to be my darling nurse-maid; my Dad, who travelled thousands of miles to help me; my mom, who was standing by the phone waiting to hear how it went; my wonderful friends and family, who sent well wishes and completely inappropriate jokes to ease my worry; my coworkers, who were checking in to make sure I would reappear and reoccupy my office. The list was a wonderfully full one, and it cheered me right up (okay, the sedative helped too!).
Although I no longer have a partner in sickness and in health to sit by my side and tell me it will be okay....my family and friends stand in quite well. Love to you all, and thanks for being such fantastic back-up. Some days I really need it, even when I don't know how to ask.