I have been told time and time again don't ask why. It will drive you mad. I have been told there are something's you will never have answers for. You must let go. In other people's dark hours have have given this same advice. But the truth is I want my why! I want my answers!
I have been laying in a hospital bed for three days now. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis four months after Joeys death. I pissed me off to my core. Wasn't enough enough. But I fought through the anger and tried to accepted it as best I could. I have tried to be responsible about it. I have sought out medical attention both conventional and traditional. And yet here I sit in a bed with steroids being pumped in me. And no one can tell me why. Why I have this disease. What triggers it. What is going to happen to me.
I want my why's. I want to know what happen to Joey that night that drove him off the road. I want to know if he was in pain. If he knew what happen. I want to know what is last thought was. I want to know why I have to keep going without him. I want to know why my kids don't get to have a daddy. I want to know why I am laying in this damn hospital bed.
I want to know when is going to be my turn to have an easy life.
I want to know what the point of any of this really is. That's what I want to know!