This week my sister turned 30. So we headed to Nashville to celebrate. It was an amazing trip. We had a blast. But as I looked around I noticed something I notice a lot, everyone with their "someone". And it just makes me miss my someone. Over the course of this year I have become more comfortable being the single parent and the third wheel. It happens all the time. In Nashville it was me, my sister, and her boyfriend. I go to dinner with my mom and step dad. Or just hanging out with my friends they all have spouses now. That's what you are supposed to do at our age.
And then there's me. Just me. And like I said I'm ok with it. Obviously this isn't the life I wanted but it's what I have. I know I had a great someone and I know I had a love most dream of. And for the most part I think I handle it well and I'm pretty comfortable being just me. But then the storm creeps up on you and can't breathe.
This is what happen the last night in Nashville. I was just so sad. I knew Joey would have loved Nashville. We would have had a great time there. But instead it was just me. Grief is very much like a storm on the ocean, the clouds just roll in and all of sudden the waves are so big you can't keep you head above water. But I've also learned to allow myself to be sad. It does no good to keep it in. I don't feel the need to share my feelings all the time. Sometimes, like the last night, I just cry quietly and remember his smell, his touch, his smile and drift off to sleep.
I miss my someone. I wish I could just have one more moment with him. And hopefully one day I will get all this time back until then I will keep living and do my best to not waste the time I have left. This is what people talk about though the blessing in being a widow. You get life. You know how special each day is. I’m grateful I got to be there in Nashville with my sister, she is my someone too. Just always try to find the light in the darkness.