Happy 6th Birthday

jacob2.jpgToday is my son Jacobs 6th birthday. Birthdays are always different now. I do my best to give the kids what they want and celebrate but there's a hole. Someone is missing. How can you celebrate the birth of your child without their daddy. I just don't know if it will ever be the same. 
Jacobs 4th birthday was the last one Joey was apart of. I don't know if it hits me harder because of that. But I can just see him standing next to him as he tries to blow his candles out. Jacob couldn't do it and started to get frustrated. And then Joey whispered something to him. And blew the candles out and Joey gave him a pat on the head and walked away. That is the birthday memory I have of Joey with Jacob. His first son and he only saw him to four years old. 
It makes no sense to me. I can't imagine only being four and then never having your dad with you anymore. 

jacob.jpgI don't think Jacob remembers his dad. I'm pretty sure he just has the stories we have told him. But no original memories. The more time that goes on the less pain Jacob holds on to. 
When I told Jacob that his dad had died he didn't understand what that meant. He nodded his head to me and walked away. He asked all week where he was and no matter how we explained it he just didn't seem to get it. It was important for me to have the kids see Joey so maybe they could understand more and also to say good bye. That's when Jacob got it. He still remembers that day. He says that's the day we went to heaven and saw daddy sleeping. 
So here he is six years old. So much more grown than two years ago. He is so brave and really turning into his own person. I know his daddy is proud of him I just wish he could be here to tell him himself. 


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  • commented 2017-04-24 23:25:25 -0700
    So many of us share this. Hard as I may try to be the best parent I can for my kids, the one thing I can never be is their dad. But Jacob will know his dad through you and others who tell him about the man his father was. And that will make all the difference.