... for falling in love again?
Ummmm ...... not so much.
I've heard and read a lot about this topic lately.
I've seen what others have written about it.
And I've seen quite a bit of guilt.
Why do we do that to ourselves?
I use the word "we", even though guilt is not an emotion that I am, or have, felt since I started dating again (after not dating for over 27 years!).
I know, with every fiber of my being, that Jim would want me to date.
I also know, with every fiber of my being, that he is very happy that I have found love again.
And I know that C's wife .... who died almost 9 years ago .... is up there with Jim, happy that C has also found love again (and probably thinking that it's about time!).
I would absolutely want that for Jim .... had he been the one left behind.
Would any of our spouses want to see us sitting home alone, not dating, not finding a new love?
And yet many of us beat ourselves up over this.
I consider myself very blessed.
I never, ever thought I would find someone who could love me as much as Jim loved me.
I was wrong.
And I am very glad about that.
But I never would have found someone to love me if I had stayed home, thinking that Jim was the only love of my life.
I never would have found love again if I had hung on to guilt over him not being here.
There is no guilt.
Neither of us chose this outcome.
And neither of us would want the other to be alone for the rest if his/her life .... however long/short that may be.
I also would never have found love if I'd listened to my teenagers, who would rather I sit home and pine away than love someone else.
I get that.
I know that they are grieving.
It's only been 2 1/2 years.
They've only seen me with one man ..... ever.
So this is hard.
But they will go on to live their lives.
And I must live mine.
In spite of their protestations.
In spite of their unhappiness over my happiness.
In spite of the guilt they try to load on me.
I refuse to feel guilty for something so wonderful.
For someone so wonderful.
For .... living.
I think two years of not living is long enough.
Two very long, very sad, very lonely years.
Jim would say .... "Enough."
So ..... I did, too.
Enough ..... is enough.
Feeling guilty over loving another man?
I think not.
Not guilty ..... just very blessed.