Okay, I should re-phrase....torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day.
But an amazing thing happened today...like most things, it's something I've noticed in passing since becoming a widow, but after sitting on my sofa, enjoying a bowl of cereal, it hit me...
I have more easy than hard!
It took a simple action to see how easy it is in general to live my day-to-day life!
Yes, there are still some tragically painful moments, but I'm not always consumed by the hard...the stressful, the hurtful, the moments that leave me begging to join my love.
I like the easy that has creeped its way back to me...the simple...I never lost it, I think my heart just forgot how to handle it...but it's happening...the easy is taking its rightful place back in my lungs and heart...
It's easy to eternally love him...but now, it's easy to do that in the midst of my life here on earth....and secretly...deep down..I know it may not be because the aspect of life has changed (or even that all is truly easy), but my strength has.