Being a widow is no easy thing.
From picking up the pieces , staring at them like they're some foreign thing, and trying to create something semi-comprehensible....to the "outliers" (those are the people outside my situation), that try and put their two cents in...or in most cases...89 cents in, to what my life should be. There's a lot going on. But if there is anything that I have learned, it's to FIGHT THE POWER.
Create your own rules, take the path less traveled (Mr. Frost was on to something)! If someone asks you how you're doing on a bad day, reply with "Really freakin' horrible." If someone tells you they're sorry for you loss, tell them they shouldn't be, because what you have had/do have is more than most will experience in a lifetime. Wear your wedding ring till you die. Take your wedding ring off after a month. Chop off your hair while eating a gallon of Ben and Jerry's. Run a marathon. Remarry. Never Date. Jump out a plane. Stay in your house watching soaps. Get a tattoo. Travel the world. Make a daily bucket list. Redefine what others have tried to define for you. Scream to the high heavens that you are a widow and SO proud of it. Surround yourself by people of all walks of life; they'll either guide you where you need to be or help reinforce what you already knew in your heart. MAKE YOUR OWN RULES!
The truth is, I have never read a whole book on grieving or widowhood...I knew for me, I had to do the one thing that has no manual, guide or rules...and that's to follow my heart. Has that put me in situations that may have been awkward for others, if not only myself? Yes. Has it brought me joy? Yes. Has it brought me struggle? Double yes. But the thing is, every night when I go to sleep, every step forward or step backward I have taken has been decided on by me. Not "outliers", not "How To's", not by family and friends....just me. It's because of that fact that I never have regrets...because no matter what the outcome, I know that I was the one who decided, chose, picked, and did it. And no matter what....that willingness to have faith in myself is something I'll never have remorse over.
Fight the power...grasp your chaos...savor your solitude...celebrate your company...live your life...embrace YOUR rules.
“All your life people are going to try to tell you who you are. And sometimes it’s going to be tempting to believe them. But you must remember that you are who you feel in your heart and your head and down to your toes. You are who you feel deep down in your soul and radiating out your skin, and no one’s opinion (except maybe your own) can change that.”- La Joie de Vivre