Christina Calhoon

  • commented on As this Odyssey of Love Expands~ 2017-12-13 18:26:27 -0800
    And now I’m in tears, what a lovely, beautiful idea.
    My husband died last year. I had always wanted to take him across country, him and our kids, because I had went with my parents in college and new he would love it. He died before we were ever able to even plan it. This would mean so much to me.
    His name is/was Michael Calhoon.
    Thank you.

  • commented on Beginning of the End 2017-09-06 18:29:40 -0700
    My husband graduated high school, went to college, got his bachelor’s and master’s degrees plus certificates. He had a high earning job, but loads of debt. He spent years working his butt off and “bettering” himself to “better” our life. He missed out on time with us, with me and the kids, and with himself, and his own hobbies and passions, hoping it would pay off. And then he died. He was 36.
    You can’t change the past. You can’t go back and make different decisions, and as someone else wrote, those other decisions would have had their own consequences.
    Your future, however, is still open. You don’t have to follow in the status quo. Decisions have yet to be made. It may be a mid life crisis, but it’s not truly a crisis. You may be stuck right now, but it doesn’t mean you will be stuck forever.
    As you know, nothing in life is promised, there is no guarantee. There is more than one path. Take a breath, talk it over with your counselor and the people in your life. Good luck.

  • commented on Sending Wishes to Heaven 2017-06-27 06:12:22 -0700
    My husband died last year on June 15th. We had the service the day before Father’s Day and the burial the day after Father’s Day. My kids were upset and angry that they couldn’t give him the presents they made in school, so everyone put them in the casket with him. I don’t remember Father’s Day at all that year. Did I wish my dad Happy Father’s day? Did we have coconut cake? I have no idea. This year we celebrated by enjoying things he enjoyed. We had pizza, coconut cake, and ice cream, and watched a family movie he liked as a kid (The Mighty Ducks). Two of my kids made cards and we took them to the cemetary because that was important to them.
    I like the idea of wishing lanterns. I’ll have to look in to that for next year.

  • commented on Pay it Forward for Don Shepherd Day ..... 2017-06-19 18:28:27 -0700
    Oops, I think I figured it out. Sorry

  • commented on My Own Decisions 2017-06-08 05:49:04 -0700
    You do have the right to say no and to be the one to decide where/when she does things. They’ll understand and if they don’t they’ll have to come around to understanding. Would it be possible to talk to them about Father’s Day? To say that even though you said it was okay, you’ve been thinking about it and you’d like her to be home a day earlier to be with you all day on Father’s day? I know dealing with family can be tricky sometimes. My mother in law can’t seem to grasp the fact that I don’t want the kids in camo all summer long. That I like having them home and spending time with them and not having a schedule everyday. It takes some talking with her, but in the end we usually come to some compromise or agreement. After all, my kids are my kids, just like Shelby is yours, and you have the final say, if you speak up. Because what you want matters and what you think is best for you and your family matters. I hope it works out and you get the time you want, and need, with your daughter this Father’s day.

  • commented on Daddy's Girl 2017-06-01 18:40:03 -0700
    My husband was also a big Orioles fan. He and my son had a plan to eventually go to every baseball stadium. He also loved music and used to play the guitar. He and my oldest daughter had a plan for her to learn guitar. He was going to help teach her. Bought all of this stuff I have no idea what to do with. My middle daughter also gets upset when I try to kill a bug. She was so angry at him at first for dying. My youngest still keeps one of my husband’s shirts in bed with her. She’s the one I worry about not remembering him. She was the one who never got a chance to go to the daddy daughter dance with him. Thus would have been the year, but he died last June. He was the patient one, the fun one that let them get away with everything, the one that didn’t yell. He was an important half of my life and of theirs. They’ll miss out on so much without him and though I try my best, I still feel like It’s not good enough.

  • commented on This Particular Feeling... 2017-05-17 17:44:09 -0700
    Yes, I feel the emptiness. I feel it when I’m alone and I feel it when I’m busy running around all over the place. I love my kids and friends and I have fun and a genuine good time, but I still have this void that loss has given me. It can’t be filled, it’s just there, a part of me now, like a phantom limb. For me, I feel like it’s the space he use to occupy, his life his presence his voice his light, in my mind in my heart in my soul, that’s left vacant. I took my wedding ring off, but I still feel it on my finger sometimes, rubbing against my middle finger, and my thumb reaches over to fiddle with it, but the ring isn’t there. Like the ring, I still feel him, but he’s not there, he’s missing, and instead there’s an emptiness where he once was.

  • commented on Sewing My Widow Oats 2017-04-29 20:31:14 -0700
    Kelley Lynn, could I also friend you on Facebook? The only widow/ers I really have contact with are the ones from the local support group I meet with once a month.
    It’s only been 10 months for me, and with four young kids I’m not ready for any kind of dating, but I miss the intimacy and closeness of another person. It’s difficult and right now I’m living vicariously through the relationships on tv and movies. It hurts and I find myself trying not to cry at simple things I see on the screen, but it also helps me feel things again, the things I used to have, but now have lost. Things, thanks to these shows, I can have again, even if just for a fleeting moment. One day I hope to have them for real again.

  • commented on Wish You Were Here 2017-02-15 09:26:36 -0800
    It’s a beautiful thought. My husband died 8 months ago. There are moments when I still feel his presence and think to myself, “Oh, there you are.” I worry one day those moments will stop.

  • commented on Owning up to What’s True. No Excuses. 2017-02-09 05:38:16 -0800
    Yes to all of it.

  • commented on Runner Up 2017-01-22 02:41:05 -0800
    I had a love in high school. I loved him, but ultimately it didn’t work out. Then I fell in love with the man who would be my husband. It was a different, deeper love, but he wasn’t second place just because I didn’t love him first. Love isn’t a contest and there was room enough for both. Because my heart grew to include them both. It’s why I can love my childhood best friend and my brothers and my new friends and family members and my four children. My second child isn’t loved any less than my first. My fourth doesn’t get left-over love scraps, she gets just as much love as her brother and sisters, and I love them all the same and I love them all differently, but I love them all. Because my heart grew to include their love. I don’t believe in soul mates, in one big love for each person. It’s romantic, but I don’t believe it’s true. I’m more of the Anne Shirley kindred spirits belief. We have people we are connected to and that connection lives on past time, space, and death. I still feel connected to people who aren’t a part of my life anymore, people who have drifted apart, and people who have died. Kindred spirits who will always be a part of who I am. I will never love anyone else the way I loved my husband. I was in my 20s and in college when I fell in love with him and now 40 is on the horizon and I have four young children. I don’t know if another love is in my future, I don’t know if I’ll be ready for that, I know right now I’m not. My love for my husband will always be with me because he will always be a part of me. His place in my heart will always be there and my connection to him will never be severed. But I believe there is always room for love. There is no I had a love in high school. I loved him, but ultimately chose not to be with him. Then I fell in love with the man who would be my husband. It was a different, deeper love, but he wasn’t second place just because I didn’t love him first. Love isn’t a contest and there was room enough for both. Because my heart grew to include them both. It’s why I can love my childhood best friend and my brothers and my new friends and family members and my four children. My second child isn’t loved any less than my first. My fourth doesn’t get left-over love scraps, she gets just as much love as her brother and sisters, and I love them all the same and I love them all differently, but I love them all. Because my heart grew to include their love. I don’t believe in soul mates, in one big love for each person. It’s romantic, but I don’t believe it’s true. I’m more of the Anne Shirley kindred spirits belief. We have people we are connected to and that connection lives on past time, space, and death. I still feel connected to people who aren’t a part of my life anymore, people who have drifted apart, and people who have died. Kindred spirits who will always be a part of who I am. I will never love anyone else the way I loved my husband. I was 20 and in college when I fell in love with him and now 40 is on the horizon and I have four young children. I don’t know if another love is in my future, I don’t know if I’ll be ready for that, I know right now I’m not. But I know my love for my husband will always be with me because he will always be with me. His place in my heart will always be there and my connection to him will never be severed. I am who I am in part because of him. But I believe there is always room for love. I am a different person than I was, and in a different time in my life. There is no first place or second place, there is no comparison. It’s a different connection and a different love, but it’s still and just Love.
    That’s what I hope. Sorry for my ramblings.

  • commented on Collapse Into You 2017-01-09 06:41:58 -0800
    This is beautiful. Thank you. December was the 6 month mark for me and I feel so tired. In some ways it feels harder. There are still unresolved issues that need to be taken care of and new things that keep popping up. I’m trying to keep moving forward, but I miss him and I’m always going to miss him.

  • commented on Echo 2016-12-14 18:46:13 -0800
    That silence, that nothingness, that echo, is so difficult. I miss my husband’s thoughts and words and views on things, the bug things or small, everyday things. I’m raising our kids on my own now and I sometimes I feel so lost. I want his opinion, his patience, his “we’ll get through this” attitude. But instead there’s nothing. I also try to hear his voice and think of what he would say, but no, it’s not the same. Thank you for writing this and putting into beautiful words what is so hard to explain.

  • commented on Free To Be Me 2016-12-14 18:38:46 -0800
    It sounds like a wonderful experience. Maybe one day I’ll make it to camp, too.

  • commented on Making Lemonade out of Death 2016-11-09 18:12:39 -0800
    When my husband was in hospice his brother came from out of state to be with him at the end. We joked about a lot of things and both had a morbid sense of humor. It was nice to laugh instead of cry for a change and even after he died it remained a helpful coping mechanism. I like to blame stupid stuff on him and shake my fist in the air or say waku-waku, which is something we would do.

    And I also like the Grim Reaper idea. I think it would be hilarious if someone did that at my funeral.