.... or am I just a moron?
I'd like to think it's Widda Brain.
But how long can I claim that?
I mean, my life is forever changed because I've been widowed .... it will never be the same. Ever.
So .... I should be able to claim "incapacitation due to Widda Brain".
It should be an accepted medical term.
I wonder if it's an accepted mental health term?
Anyway .... I'll tell you what happened (I can NOT believe I'm telling you what happened!).
I had sinus surgery in December.
Since then I've had to "rinse out my sinuses"on a daily basis.
Yes, that does bring to mind horrifying pictures, I know.
Try having to do it.
It's a bit like trying to intentionally drown yourself, which goes against every fiber of your being.
So does drowning your sinuses with so much water that it pours out of your nose. In one nostril and out the other.
Without going up past your sinuses. Into your brain.
I've been ordered to do this daily, several times a day.
It's become easier and easier and it really does make one's sinuses feel better.
So last week I took this thing:
why, yes .... it does look like some sort of medieval torture device, doesn't t?
You fill that thing up with the water and stuff that you're supposed to spray up (and out) your nose.
I filled the first nostril.
And I instantly felt a burning, searing pain in my head.
No kidding, I thought I was dying. I didn't know what was going on.
I hadn't rinsed in several days so I thought maybe I had to get used to it all over again (or was paying the price for not doing it).
Funny thing though, I don't remember feeling like a psychopath was inside my brain with a machete the first time I tried it. But I guess I forgot about that.
Kind of like how one forgets about the pain of labor until she gets ready to have that second kid.
Which would explain why I have 6.
I didn't forget after 6.
But I digress.
So ..... I shook my head around, yes, kind of like a dog when you spray water up its nose, or in its ears ... or just at it.
And then I thought, "Now I have to do the other nostril."
I thought maybe this whole brain-killing event was just a fluke. There's no way it would happen again.
I shot the water up the other nostril and the pain was worse that time. I fell to my knees and grabbed my head. I just knew that I must've irritated some brain aneurysim and it was now exploding in my brain.
Death was imminent.
Not so much.
It took me about 2 seconds to realize what had happened.
I had put 8 ounces of distilled water into the bottle and then screwed the lid on tightly.
Then I sprayed it up my nose.
Only .... and this is a BIG only .... I had left out one crucial step: I had failed to add the packet of powdered saline rinse to the water.
The powdered rinse neutralizes the water and turns it a fluid that soothes and clears out your sinuses.
Distilled water, all by itself, burns the hell out of your brain.
And never try this at home.
So yes, I did this.
Not just once .... but twice.
How much more moronic can you get?!
Why do I tell you .... ALL of you .... this story?
Two reason, really.
First, to show you that we can have humor on this blog .... even in our grief and our "after".
And two, to prove that grief causes a person to lose her/his memory, forget words she's/he's recently uttered .... forget whole conversations that supposedly have occured. "Widda brain".
But I'm sure you all know that. In fact, you've probably experienced that.
But do you know what else grief can trigger?
(Here's where the humor takes a break.)
The stress of grieving a loved one can trigger:
2. Depression (duh!)
5. Intestinal cramps and problems
7. Rheumatoid arthritis
9. Crohn's Disease
10. High blood pressure
11. Irregular heartbeat
12. Heart disease
13. Compromised immune system
These are some of the things I've discovered that grief can trigger. There seem to be a lot more out there.
And I know that I've experienced many of them.
I know that my body changed chemically after Jim died. And since then it's been one thing after another.
The stress of grieving is a real thing.
A real physical thing.
So take good care of your body.
Try to listen to it when it complains.
Like you, it's been through a lot.
And it has to keep working right.
For you. For your kids/the people who love you.
But try not to freak out when you can't remember things.
Because grief definitely gives you "Widda Brain".
And yes, that's my excuse.
Even after 4 years.
Because I sincerely hope that I have not chemically been turned into a moron.
The good news? I probably won't remember this happened in a month.