I'm sure that as widows, we have all heard these words in some form or other. "You'll get over it one day." "You're young. You'll move on." "Time heals all wounds." And the like. I remember the first time some well-meaning, naive person attempted to instill these words of 'wisdom' upon me. I think I wanted to drop them.Read more
These are two words whose meanings have changed for me since Phil's death. Perspective used to be a word I threw around when I wanted someone else to view a certain topic or situation in a different light. Looking back, I doubt that I worried too much about how I viewed the world around me. Things in my life were pretty black and white, and I liked my goals and plans to be well defined. I know you are laughing right now.Read more
I, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here's to the color getting lighter!).
But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I'll realize what I'm doing and stop ..... and be amazed.Read more
Next week is my 40th, hard to believe really. Forty has an odd significance for me. I met my husband when I was 16. When he proposed to me at 22 (we reunited after a couple of years of not seeing each other in college), I remember him telling me I was beautiful....BUT..... Beautiful but what?? "Beautiful", he said, "but I know you'll be stunning when you're 40. I just know it." Interesting to be 40 and he's not around to tell me if I'm stunning in his eyes or not.Read more
Okay, consider yourself warned about the potential for tears when reading my musical Monday posts. Teary eyed smiles are a good thing, right? Today's song was written, and performed, by a good friend of mine, and has been the background for a few intense moments for me ;)Read more
Doing things that Michael and I would have enjoyed together was once unthinkable. "If he's not here to enjoy them then I shouldn't" was a philosophy that was stuck in my brain the first months after his passing.Read more
On the day our daughter, Liv, first started preschool, my husband, Jeff, and I dropped her off together. We helped her off with her coat. We put her shoes on the mat. Then, we stared expectantly at her wondering (possibly hoping) if she would start to cry and demand that we stay. She didn't. In fact, Liv told us with thirteen year old form, "You can go NOW." Jeff and I left feeling excited, rather sad and comforted with the camaraderie of parenthood. Both our cellphones sat on the table anticipating an urgent call to come retrieve our distraught daughter while we sat in a coffee shop waiting for her two hours of separation from us to be over.Read more
I just received a notice from the Fictitious Business Name Renewal Center. Apparently Phil's fictitious business name will expire if he doesn't pay the $125 fee before September 28, 2009. Somehow I don't think the check will arrive in time. Seems this company has no record of Phil's death. The fact that there could be any organization left that I haven't called, faxed, e-mailed, sent a letter, filled out a form, or sent yet another death certificate confirming that my husband is indeed dead, is truly amazing.Read more
It's time to be brutally honest and up front with all of you. Proceed with caution.
Before I write this confession, I must also confess that there's no way that I believe I am alone in this. And that is why I decided to write about it.
I had another run in with death this week...No, not a friend or family member. This time it was me. How, you might ask?
"Ms. Dippel, we are having a problem verifying your credit for your cable installation.....(uncomfortable pause....) um, Ms. Dippel, uh, has anyone ever told you that you show up as "deceased" on your credit report?"