march 24, 2008


Our new Thursday blog author is Matt Logelin. His emotional candor and willingness to share his life, and his grief, with millions of people across the globe have made him a media sensation. With appearances on Oprah, The Rachel Ray Show, People Magazine, and over 50,000 blog followers, Matt's widowhood story has mobilized the compassion and generosity of thousands of people around the world. But Matt never loses sight of what is real. His wife, and the mother of his daughter, is dead. And so Maddy and Daddy carry on in the spirit of a love that continues to light their way. Instead of a direct syndication of his blog mattlogelin.com, Widow's Voice will use Matt's words and pictures to tell the story of Matt, Liz and Madeline starting from the day of Madeline's birth.

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My Own Private War

10_14_09.jpgI had a flashback this week. Out of the blue, as they always come. Knocking me over as only the force of a tsunami wave can.

You know the kind.

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Put on a Happy Face (Part 1,439)

10_13_09.JPGYes, here we are once again...trying to put on a happy face. Tomorrow is my 40th birthday, and although I could care less about the fact of "40", the birthday itself is hard. Not the 40 part, just the birthday.

Four years ago I spent my birthday in the emergency room at MD Anderson, then in the outpatient surgery center, and as a celebration of the survival of a horrible night: Starbucks for a vanilla latte. A latte I felt guilty for drinking, as Daniel couldn't enjoy it - he was on a tube fed diet only at that point. I remember hardly noticing it was my birthday, and not really caring. We had bigger fish to fry at the time. A little more than two weeks later, the worst nightmare I could have possibly imagined came true, and the rest as they say is history.

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Still Helpless

10_12_09.jpgMichelle and I have been doing this widow thing side by side for almost four years. When we met we were both newly widowed, and shell shocked. Each of us watched our dreams for the future unceremoniously demolished as one minute passed into the next. Thrown into a whirlwind of grief we discovered each other in the eye of the storm.

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When Is He Coming Home?

10_11_09.jpgI want to write away the pain. Sometimes I think that's why I write. I know that's why I talk to people, why I spend the energy to explain to them what this process is like. The more I talk the more distance I have from the process. The more distance I have from the process the less like mine it feels. Or the more sense I can try to make of it.

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Refresh

10_10_09.JPGThere are moments where I feel as if I am on an idle screen. It's a screen that am totally aware of what it looks like when it is fully loaded. It's full of memories, strength, perseverance, and a positive outlook that is all fueled off the amazing love I have been given. Yet, with this new journey before me, there are times when the page doesn't fully load.

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moving on, healing and getting over it

10_9_09.jpgI'm sure that as widows, we have all heard these words in some form or other. "You'll get over it one day." "You're young. You'll move on." "Time heals all wounds." And the like. I remember the first time some well-meaning, naive person attempted to instill these words of 'wisdom' upon me. I think I wanted to drop them.

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Perspective and Purpose

10_8_09.JPGThese are two words whose meanings have changed for me since Phil's death. Perspective used to be a word I threw around when I wanted someone else to view a certain topic or situation in a different light. Looking back, I doubt that I worried too much about how I viewed the world around me. Things in my life were pretty black and white, and I liked my goals and plans to be well defined. I know you are laughing right now.

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A Lighter Shade of Blue ....

10_7_09.jpgI, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here's to the color getting lighter!).

But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I'll realize what I'm doing and stop ..... and be amazed.

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Lordy look who's 40....

10_6_09.JPGNext week is my 40th, hard to believe really. Forty has an odd significance for me. I met my husband when I was 16. When he proposed to me at 22 (we reunited after a couple of years of not seeing each other in college), I remember him telling me I was beautiful....BUT..... Beautiful but what?? "Beautiful", he said, "but I know you'll be stunning when you're 40. I just know it." Interesting to be 40 and he's not around to tell me if I'm stunning in his eyes or not.

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