What Do You Need?

11_18_09.jpgIn a recent conversation with a friend about my interest in ever dating again, I was asked the following question: "You are so strong and so independent, do you ever really need someone else? You don't seem to need anyone for anything." It actually started a month long internal dialogue with myself that hasn't quite been resolved. 

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When there are no thanks to be given

11_16_09.jpgAs any of us widows and widowers know, one of the most trying times of the Annual Widowed Calendar is upon us. It’s impossible to turn on the TV or walk into any store without having it crammed down our gagging, grieving throats:

The holidays.

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Grasping at Control

11_15_09.jpgIt hasn't been 48 hours yet.  I want to change....

something; move the piano, cut my hair, paint the ceiling, rip everything off the shelves. Sell everything....today! Start over.
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Release

I am a teapot (minus the short and stout)...or should I say, a tea kettle.

There are moments in my day, week, or month where the "pressure"/emotions inside of me become so overwhelming that they have to find some outlet to release all that is about to combust inside of my heart.

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mine. all mine.

11_14_09.jpgI wonder how many decisions we make a day on average. Five? Fifty? Five hundred?

The small ones have never been of much consequence. Brush my teeth or not? Wear pink high heels or brown loafers? Watch The Nature of Things or 22 Minutes?

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five weeks

11_12_09.jpg5 weeks ago

today.

things were perfect.

healthy, happy family.

11 minutes after 3:00pm

on that same day,

my world

fell apart.

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I Didn't Sign Up For This .....

... but then, neither did you, right?

It's been one of those weeks ... and it's not even half way over yet!

I am totally sick of being a single parent. I'm tired of having to do all of this on my own when I really don't know what the hell I'm doing a lot of the time. 

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Who's Writing This Anyway?

11_11_09.jpgSo I checked out the uplifting song of Musical Monday, which I listened to several times last night...and it did inspire me and lift my spirits. Thanks Michele and I hope your are busy writing your next chapter right now!

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Musical Monday

11_09_09.JPGMuch of the music that spoke to me right after Phil's death was important because the lyrics articulated feelings I was incapable of expressing. Even now, after writing countless words about my journey through the loss of my husband, there are times when nothing communicates my inner turmoil like the phrases penned by someone else. 

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The End Comes

April 12, 2009
Art is back in the hospital.

Friday was when it happened. Low white blood cells, he started a fever.

Today, Sunday, yes. That is the day today.

He has viral menengitis.
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