five weeks

11_12_09.jpg5 weeks ago

today.

things were perfect.

healthy, happy family.

11 minutes after 3:00pm

on that same day,

my world

fell apart.

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I Didn't Sign Up For This .....

... but then, neither did you, right?

It's been one of those weeks ... and it's not even half way over yet!

I am totally sick of being a single parent. I'm tired of having to do all of this on my own when I really don't know what the hell I'm doing a lot of the time. 

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Who's Writing This Anyway?

11_11_09.jpgSo I checked out the uplifting song of Musical Monday, which I listened to several times last night...and it did inspire me and lift my spirits. Thanks Michele and I hope your are busy writing your next chapter right now!

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Musical Monday

11_09_09.JPGMuch of the music that spoke to me right after Phil's death was important because the lyrics articulated feelings I was incapable of expressing. Even now, after writing countless words about my journey through the loss of my husband, there are times when nothing communicates my inner turmoil like the phrases penned by someone else. 

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The End Comes

April 12, 2009
Art is back in the hospital.

Friday was when it happened. Low white blood cells, he started a fever.

Today, Sunday, yes. That is the day today.

He has viral menengitis.
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Why?

11_07_09.jpgWhy: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive

Now we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a lifetime with our soul mates.

"Why him?", "Why me?","Why us?", "Why so young?", "Why so suddenly?", "Why so violently?" 
...and the list goes on.

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the hardest part

11_06_09.JPGAs a widow with young children, the worst thing about parenting now is NOT watching fathers whirl their delighted little girls around in the air or push their little boys on the swings. It is NOT arriving to your child's dance recital alone and wishing that someone was there to experience the joy and pride with you. It is NOT that you are now the only one to remember the day of your little one's birth or what their first word was. It is NOT the strange and uncomfortable silence when your child announces to the check-out clerk that "daddy is dead". No, the worst thing about being a widowed parent is that you can't fix that their other parent is gone....forever.

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why I wear her ring

11_05_09.jpgforgot to mention

what happened

when i went to 

the doctor with madeline, 

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It's a Matter of Perspective ....

11_04_09.jpegI was talking to someone the other day about the change in my perspective on things. Many things have changed in my life and in my mind since December 18, 2007. The biggest thing that has changed is my sense of fear. It seems that I don't have one. I wonder if it will come back?

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Four years ago

11_03_09.JPGWell the countdown is over and today is the day. Four years ago today I watched my husband die when only moments before, he had asked me to climb into the hospital bed with him and he’d told me how hard this battle was for him and how much he loved me. We thought we were leaving the hospital the next day; he was only in for dehydration issues from his chemo. We’d only just been told he had 6 months to 2 years. We thought we had more time. We were wrong.

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