Saying Yes

As a parent, I have often found saying NO to be easier than saying YES. Over the years I have made a conscious effort to consider the questions my kids ask me before I blurt out a negative response. Many times I realize that the reason I say NO is that I don't want to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the request. I will confess that there have been more than a few times that I have squashed one of my children's earnest pleas with a backhanded motion that means absolutely not...and then found myself in their room an hour later apologizing and reconsidering. 

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Ezra Update

KIM.jpgEzra came back to me again, expressing his lack of desire to live.

I called Our House where the kids and I receive grief support.

I spoke with Lauren who is in charge of children's support. She said I need to get Ezra help.... immediately.

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Our Fairy Tale

I try not to think too much on all the things we would have done, family we would have built and life together we would have lived.

I try not to imagine it too much, for there is a pain associated with the what-ifs and that which we were unable to fulfill as the soul mates we are.

We lived our fairy tale. Our own Disney movie.

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fear of losing more

jackie.jpgJeff's gone. I know that. The kids know that. But he is still such an enormous part of every day, every moment, every breath.

He is thought of constantly. Cherished. Missed.

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other people's memories

matt.jpgi decided to
tackle a package i got
from someone liz was very
close to during the young part of her
life in the mn.
it actually arrived on saturday.
i knew it was going to be a tough one
so i waited.

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It's Not the Same ....

janine.jpgMy life changed drastically and permanently on December 18, 2007.

Nothing is the same.

Nothing.

 

I am not the same.

I will never be the same.

And I'm finally OK with that (I'm not so sure that everyone else is).

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Joy

dippel.jpgMeet bouncing baby boy Christopher - the newest addition to David and Leslie's(bro and sister-in-law) family. Christopher was born yesterday (yes, for today only he can't say "it's not like I was born yesterday"!). I haven't met my newest nephew yet. I intend to today and I can't wait!

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Music Was Our Refuge

guest.jpgThe epitaph on Chris’s grave marker says, “Music Was My Refuge.” It is a most appropriate way to remember a man who was a church choir director, a pianist and an organist, a community theater actor, a Norwegian Folk dancer, and a longtime patron of the opera and symphony. 

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Ezra's Pain

01_30_10.JPGAs my world stabilizes.

As I look forward, instead of back

As I feel the earth rooting me, it is exactly as the grief people said it will be.

"Many young children hold onto their grief until the surviving parent is able to cope. And then...."

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call me

01_29_10.jpgI haven't called Jeff's number in almost two years. In the first few days after he died, I called him repeatedly....apologizing. Wishing I could have saved him. Begging him to come home.

His cell phone number is still programmed into the home phone and my cell phone. I will never be able to delete it. If it is on my phone, it seems that he is just a call away. Not too far.

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