My son Grayson has been Daniel's "mini me" since birth, and there are so many things about him that are like his dad that it sometimes takes my breath away. The way he walks, talks, thinks, the look on his face when he gets very excited, his look of intense concentration....the list goes on and on. Every once in a while I see a flicker of me, in the midst of these giant flashes of Daniel, but mostly I see just Grayson. My funny little guy who is so tender hearted and can make me laugh out loud on a daily basis.
Lately, people have started to tell me how much he resembles me. An old photo of me when I was his age looks oddly like him....I hadn't noticed, but it made me laugh out loud to see his face with my Farrah Fawcett wings and a purple corduroy outfit! The changes in him over the past five years are the biggest indicator to me of how much time has passed. He has lived almost half of his life without his Dad and has doubled in size. Funny how things work.
I force myself to focus on the good things in the past five years. Grayson reads, rides a bike, writes a story, wins a basketball tournament, etc. I try not to add the horrible clause "without his Dad" after every event. Sometimes it is hard. Either way, it is what it is. We're doing it all "without Daniel" and as sucky as that is, we are doing a good job of it.