Grayson and I watched the movie "Evan Almighty" this weekend. I've seen it once before, but a certain scene really struck me this time. Morgan Freeman, as God, is explaining to a woman how prayers work. "If you pray for patience, God does not GIVE you patience, but gives you the OPPORTUNITY to be patient." I went to bed with thoughts of my own prayers in my head.
Grayson usually picks one night a week to sleep with me. This tradition is a holdover from when he was three and sleeping in his own bed had become something too difficult to bear. We compromised. If he could sleep six nights in his bed, on the seventh he could sleep with mommy and daddy. Almost six years later, he still looks forward to his one night a week with me. Saturday night he chose to sleep with me, and we tucked ourselves in for the night. My little boy held my hand, tucked it against his heart, and placed his other hand over our entwined hands. He fell asleep that way, and I lay awake for a few moments just enjoying the sweetness.
As I began to relax and settle in, a sudden prayer erupted in my brain. Thank you for this happiness, and the ability to recognize it. Thank you for answering my many hard sobbed prayers to make it okay for my little guy. Thank you for his sweetness and his ability to recover from such a horrible loss.
Only those who know me well will recognize that this is quite an incredible prayer. I haven't been on good speaking terms with God for a few years, and if I do talk to him it is on another's behalf, not my own. I had decided that God didn't give a rat's you know what about what I wanted or really needed, so why bother carrying on a conversation with him, much less send up a prayer of thanks! And yet, here I was suddenly feeling very grateful and wanting to express it.
I had said countless prayers that my little guy be "okay", and God has given me the opportunity to make sure he is. So far, so good. I know the days of snuggling up with my little man are numbered. Soon he'll be too old to be holding hands with his mom. Until then, I'll just soak it up, and be grateful.