So here I sit, 7 days til the anniversary. I am absolutely beyond swamped at work (could I have more meetings and more documents to review??) and overwhelmed with personal commitments as well - a funeral (no, they never stop, and they are always sad), two evening meetings, basketball, Halloween parties, homework, and that is just to get me to Friday. Calgon, take me away!
I was talking to Michele about it today and how it is such a terrible time for me to be so busy. Emotionally I'm a little unpredictable. Some minutes I'm fine, and then a wave hits me. I realize that 4 years ago this very minute....whatever, fill in the blank. On the other hand, perhaps it's a blessing to be so busy. I can be sad for 5 minutes, but that is all the time I have available. No, so sorry, no time for grief and remembrance today...you'll have to check with my blackberry and make an appointment.
On the other side of it is the fact that my life moves merrily forward with or without my permission. With or without the corresponding appointment in my blackberry. I am working, driving, playing, cooking, smiling, laughing, crying, all of the stuff that we do when we are alive. Life happens - haven't I seen that on a bumper sticker before? I always thought it was a joke about procreation! Kidding, I do get it though. Even when you're not paying attention, life is happening all around you.
Case in point - the little boy in the picture above. His life is just unfolding, his options are unlimited, and his joy is a lesson to me. On a lot of levels my life too is unfolding. My options, though - let's face it - not unlimited, are pretty open. My joy? My joy is in transition. My joy has been convalescing and if I'm honest, it's not really up and moving around just yet. But I can feel it stirring occasionally, if only for the briefest of moments. Maybe it will stretch it's legs soon and make a comeback. I'll keep you posted.
In the meantime, seven more days til I can stop the countdown. I'll play golf on that seventh day and drink a jack and coke for Daniel. I'll find some joy in that for sure.