Maggie died in May 2009. I’ve been writing on Widow’s Voice since April 2011. I don’t write as often as the other bloggers because I guess I’m the quiet one. Yet I hope that my infrequency has been inversely reflected in the intensity of my posts; I’ve been open and honest and shared all that I’ve been working through. My path – the same path you are on – sadly leaves only one set of footprints in the sand. Yet, for some reason and maybe you feel the same, I’ve felt that my job is to keep drawing another set of footprints.
I’m now ready to stop drawing footprints in the sand. It’s time for me to walk alone. I’ve cleared the closet. I’ve gotten rid of the shoes. I’ve sold the house. I changed jobs. Our dog is no longer with me. I’ve moved. If there’s anything “us” that’s left, I don’t know what that might be. I guess my only last difficult part is saying goodbye to you. That's hard, too. For us, saying goodbye has a very, very, very different meaning than the rest of the world. We have all been very seriously affected by goodbyes. I, like you, take goodbyes very seriously.
Thus, it’s unlikely this will be my last post. Hell, Michele (the founder and editor of Widow’s Voice) is likely spitting her coffee all over the keyboard as she reads this post because I didn’t warn her (Sorry!) But it’s also unlikely that she didn’t know this was coming. She's been watching me working hard at climbing out of the dark pit of despair for years. You have all bared witness since April 2011 - more than three years. For three years I’ve been struggling and while I’ve not “won” anything, I’ve survived and believed. I’ve survived long enough to get my feet underneath me and my head back on straight. Finally, I feel like I'm just at the beginning of start of my new life.
There are three things you must know:
#1. No matter how hard it hurts, now matter how alone you feel, no matter how difficult it is to breathe, you can do this. You can survive. You can do this.
#2. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. (Yes, I typed that three times because damn it, no matter what anyone tells you or what you think when the lights are out late at night or when you are sitting on the train looking around or when you are at your best friend’s wedding, you are not alone. We are everywhere and we are with you.)
#3. You will never be “over it” but you will live and love again. You will be happy again.