My wedding anniversary is not until the end of August. So I was very surprised this week when I received an email from my best friend with an anniversary present in it. My best friend CJ bought me a star. She said she wanted me to have it early enough to be able to find it.
I have known CJ since we were in middle school. I was her maid of honor in her wedding 12 years ago. We have seen each grow up, get married and have babies. A month before my husband died her mother passed away suddenly. I remember how shocked I was. I didn’t know what to say her. We haven’t always stayed close, she lives 2,000 miles away now, but we always find our way back to each other. In the days after her mom died I tried my best to be there for her. It’s hard, you want to take their pain away and tell them it will be ok. But you can’t do anything for them. I was more just there for her to cry to. I would just listen and sometimes cry with her. I loved her mother like my own. I couldn’t imagine her pain.
A month later she was on the other side this time. She would just tell me she was sorry and wished she could take mine pain away. We now had a deeper understanding that most couldn’t fathom. We talked every day. Sometimes it would just be a simple text, “I’m drowning”. We understood these messages. The grief was heavy and weighs a ton at times. There is never any judgement between us. We can be mad and hate life and the other pulls you out of it. There are happier times now. We have seen each other grow in our grief and point out how far we have come to each other. For the longest time I never spoke of my mother to her, and she never spoke of her husband. It was an unwritten rule between us. Slowly this changed. With her it’s easy to be really honest about my feelings. She doesn’t know my grief and I don’t know hers but we both know true loss.
Her mother died on the 5th and joey died on the 9th. We never forget these dates every month. Most of the time now it’s a simple heart we send to each other. Its meaning though is so great, “I remember”.
And now she has given me an amazing gift. A star. The star is named Joey and Michelle Always and Forever. I have always sat on my deck and looked to the stars for him. She knows this about me. And now I can look up and see us for all eternity together in a ball of energy. It’s pure and beautiful and I absolutely love it. And her.