I'm interstate at the moment celebrating a dear friend's 40th birthday. She lives on the other side of the country (I live in Brisbane, Queensland and she lives in Perth, in Western Australia). I've been here to visit a number of times now, it's a great opportunity to have a holiday and see another part of Australia while catching up with my friend and her family.
It's got me thinking though, last time I was here for her birthday celebration was in 2012, four years ago. When Dan and I were dating and our relationship was shiny and new and exciting.
One of the things remember most from that trip was the excitement of getting a text or a phone call, hearing his voice, knowing he was thinking of me and missing me. When I returned home he'd admitted that he'd felt a bit lost without me. He'd found it hard to remember how he filled his weekends before we'd met and had been counting down the hours until I came home.
Missing each other had been so sweet. Knowing we were pinning for each other, and would be reunited soon, had been exciting and electrifying. While I had a wonderful time and made the most of my friend's company, I had also longed to be back in his arms.
These memories are bringing up so much emotion for me. I still long for him, but know he won't be waiting for me when I return home. I'm ok... After two years and seven months I'm used to it now, it's not as sharp. It's there, the same way it is every day.
I dreamt about him last night. I was at a party (maybe the celebration I'm going to tonight) and the room was filled with people I loved. He was there too, across the room from me. He wasn't talking, I was running around chatting to people and laughing and catching up, and he was with other people, but always watching me. Always smiling. Whenever I looked over at him, his eyes were on me, his presence making me feel protected and reassured. Even though we weren't together.
I woke up feeling so comforted. It seemed very meaningful. I can't be with him or hear his voice, but he's here, watching over me and loving me. Maybe this was his way of telling me he's not really that far away at all.