(I wrote this post on my blog Saturday night/Sunday morning. Saturday, the 28th, would have been our 28th wedding anniversary.)
....in infamy. Or at least in history.
Son #2 graduated tonight.
He did it.
In spite of .... so much.
On this day.
This once very happy day.
This day that used to stand for love, commitment, the future ....
has stood for what was, and what will never be again.
Today it stood for what can be.
I am very proud of him.
And I think Jim is, too.
This day, like all of the "big event days" .... has passed.
It is now tomorrow.
Another big day lived through.
Another day that brought tears ..... and joy.
Another day in which Jim should have been here .... by my side; telling Son #2 how proud he is of him and how much he is loved.
A day that should have been .... so much .... more.
A day that was a day.
A day that is now a memory.
A memory of a different kind .... now.
In spite of how happy I am now, how content I have learned to become, how my future is starting to look lighter than grey ...... these "big days" wear me out.
They exhaust me.
Mentally more than physically.
They make me want to go to bed for a week .... and never leave my room.
Just for a week, but yet .... still a week.
I find myself mourning what was ....
and what should have been ....
and what will never be ....
on these days.
Yet .... on this day .... he did it.
As I always knew he could.