My marriage to Mike wasn’t perfect. I mean come on…there is usually at least some issue that arises even in the happiest of partnerships. And we had plenty. Most of our concerns stemmed from his unhealthy eating habits and the results of that but we had other little annoying problems and arguments too. On the whole, though, we were happy. We both felt deeply that we were meant for each other, that we were each other’s true soul mates, and so we worked through all the other issues as best we could. There was never a question that we wouldn’t stay together. I really meant my vows…til death do us part…I just never imagined it would really come to that. At least so soon.
Idle thoughts because I feel like shit and can’t summon up the energy to form a full sentence~
Being sick sucks.
Being sick while widowed sucks bigger.
It adds to the sense of aloneness.
Even when it’s only a head cold, but the exhaustion of living years without your person sets in at the same time and it becomes bigger than it is.
*(I am filling in for Mike today, as he had some emergencies at work come up that needed to be taken care of, and couldn't fulfill his widowed blogging duties for today. And as everyone knows, if the widowed person cannot fulfill the widowed duties, another widowed Runner-Up steps in and fulfills those duties for them. So, here I am, and Mike will be back next week with more of his awesome writing.) *
We all have different ways of coping, or not coping, with loss. Some might say that there are healthy ways to grieve, and unhealthy ways. I would agree that there is no right or wrong way, and that what works for one may not work for another - and yes, there are definitely choices people make in the throws of grief, that would be considered very unhealthy. But, when you are in that state of mind, where your world has fallen apart and been stolen from you, nothing feels like a decision. You don't make a choice to start over-drinking or getting into bad relationships or gambling or over-eating or starving yourself or having meaningless sex with too many people or a number of other things. Technically, yes, these are choices. But they do not feel like choices at the time. When you are numb and zoned out and in a constant fog and in massive pain and existing through death and confusion - nothing ever feels like a choice. You just sort of fall into things, and sometimes, it can take years and years to climb your way back out.