The day before Joey died we went to a BBQ restaurant I used to work at. It had been ages since we had been in there and was good to see some old faces. That was the last meal we had together. Him, our youngest son, and me. I hate the food there probably from working there for so long but Joey loved it. I was getting ready to go out of the town for the night so it was nice to be able to spend some time together before I left.
Signs have been on the rise lately, which always makes me feel like things in my life might just be aligning. Just today, while on a drive to go explore up in Cleveland, Mike and I saw at least 5 or 6 signs that related to Drew. The first was at a stop sign. The van in front of us - a Ford Aerostar - had a bumper sticker on it that said “I <3 Flying”.
Now, many of you know, Drew was a helicopter pilot. You might also know that Stars were significant to us… we saw 7 shooting stars the night we decided to start dating. Our initials, were S. T. A. R. No joke. Ever since his death, stars have quite literally been guiding my way. Even to the new love in my life… Mike’s late-wife Megan had, you guessed it, 7 star tattoos. When I first visited their house - it was FILLED with stars. Stars on the walls, stars on the curtains. Stars literally everywhere you looked. I mean you can’t make that stuff up.
Grieving for your soul mate, your partner, the love of your life. Grieving a life lived past, grieving the present moment without them and grieving the loss of a future that will never be lived. The word grief as we know, is not enough to explain it. The pain of grief being unimaginable until it casts itself as a dark ever shadowing cloud in your once happy life.
With what I am about to say next many of you may stop reading this post and that’s perfectly okay. It took me a while to reach this point to say it out loud, but worse it came by hearing of another’s grief, not grief for their partner but rather grief for their own life.